PR 5549 
.T4 
n745 
Copy 1 



PlilOE 155 CEIVTS. 



^^S> DE WITT'S ACTINa PLAYS. eM/1 



"^^ 



(Nuinber 115.) 




New Men i Old Acres 



A COMEDY, IN THREE ACTS. 



BY TOM TAYLOR and A. DUBOUEG. 

AiUliorof '■'■A Sistm-'s Pennance,^'' '■'• Iletiry Dunbar" '■'■Mary Warner, 
" Plot and Passion" " The Hidden Ilmid" t&c, <S;c. 



AS FIRST PERFORMED AT THE THEATRE ROYAL, MANCHESTER, 
FRIDAY, AUG. 20, 1869, AND AT THE HAYMARKET, THEATRE, 
LONDON, UNDER THE MANAGEMENT OF J. B. BUCK- 
STONE, ESQ., MONDAY, OCTOBER 25TH, 1869. 



TO WHICH ARE ADDED 



A description of the Costume — Cast of the Characters — Entrances and Exits- 
Relative Positions of the Performers on the Stage, and 
the whole of the Stage Business. 




JlttB- ffiork : 

ROBERT M. DE WITT, PUBLISHER, 
No. 33 Rose Street. 




.*>ir [ CYRIL'S SUCCESS. A Comedy, in five Acts. By Henry J. By- 

SEADT. 1 ANYTHING FOR A CHANCE. A Petite Comedy, in one Act. 
^_ By Shirley Brooks. Price 15 Cents. 



DE A\^ITT'S 



ETHIOPIAN AND COMIC DRAMA, 



Nothing so thorough and complete in the way of Ethiopian and Comic Dramas has eve: 
been x^riiited as those that appear in the iollowiug list. Not only are the plots excellent, thi 
characters droll, the incidents fuuuy, the language humorous, but all the situatious,Jby-phiy 
positions, pantomimic business, scenery, and tricks are so plainly set down and clearl; 
explained that the merest novice could put any of them on the stage. Included in thii 
Catalogue are all the most laughable and effective pieces of their class ever produced. 

*:j.* In ordering please copy the figures at the commencement of each ijiece, whicl 
indicate the number of the piece iu " De Witt's Ethiopian and Comic Duama." 

jK^ Any of the following Plays sent, postage free, ou receipt of price — Fifteen Cen ti 
each. 



ffg= The figure following the name of the Play denotes the number of Acts. 
;ures iu the columns indicate the number of characters — M. male; F. female. 



Thi 



M. F. 

lil. Absent Minded, Ethiopian farce. 1 

act 3 1 

73. African Box, burlesque, 2 scenes. . . 5 

107. African us Bluebeard, musical Ethi- 

opian burlesque, 1 scene 6 2 

113. .\mbitiou, farce, 2 scenes 7 

133. Awful Plot (An) Ethiopian farce, la. 3 1 
43. Baby Elephant, sketch, 2 scenes ... 7 1 
42. Bad" Whiskey, Irish sketch, 1 scene. 2 1 
79. Barney's Courtship, musical inter- 
lude, lact 1 2 

40. Big Mistake, sketch, 1 scene 4 

(5. Black Chap from Whitechapel, Ne- 
gro piece 4 

10. Black Chemist, sketch, 1 scene 3 

11. Black-Ey'd William, sketch, 2 scenes 4 1 
146. Black Forrest (The), Ethiopian farce, 

1 act 2 1 

110. Black Magician (De), Ethiopian com- 

icalit V 4 2 

126. Black Statue (The). Negro farce 4 2 

127. Blinks and Jinks, Ethiopian sketch. 3 1 

128. Boboliuo, the Black Bandit, Ethio- 

pian musical larce, 1 act 2 I 

120. Body Suatchers (The), Negro sketch, 

2 scenes 3 1 

78. Bogus Indian, sketch, 4 scenes 5 2 

89. Bogus Talking Machine (The), farce, 

1 scene i 

24. Bruised and Cured, sketch, 1 scene. 2 

108. Charge of the Hash Brigade, comic 

Jrisi_ musical sketch 2 2 

148. Christmas Eve iu the South, Ethio- 
pian farce, 1 act 6 2 

35. Coal Heaver's Revenge, Negro sketch. 

1 scene 6 

112. Coming Man (The), Ethiopian sketch, 

2 scenes 3 1 

41. Cremation, sketch, 2 scenes 8 1 

144. Crowded Hotel (The), sketch, 1 sc. 4 1 
140. Cupid's Frolicii, sketch, 1 scene 5 1 

12 Daguerreotypes, sketch, 1 scene... 3 
53. Damon and" Pythias, burlesque, 2 sc. 5 1 
63. Darkey's Stratagem, sketch. 1 scene 3 1 
131. Darkey Sleep Walker (The), Ethio- 
pian sketch. 1 scene 3 1 



M. F 

1-4. Deaf as a Post, Ethiopian sketch 2 

111. Deeds of Darkness, Ethiopian ex- 
travaganza, 1 act 6 

139. Desperate Situation (A), farce, 1 sc. 5 ; 

50. Draft (The), sketch, 2 scenes 6 

64. Dutchman's Ghost, 1 scene 4 

95. Dutch Justice, laughable sketch, 

1 scene 11 

67. Editor's Troubles, farce, 1 scene.. . G 

4. Eh ? What is it ? sketch 4 ; 

136. Election Day, Ethiopian farce, 2 sc 6 ; 
98. Elopement (The), farce, 2 scenes... 4 

52. Excise Trials, sketch. 1 scene 10 

25. Fellow that Looks like Me, inter- 
lude, 1 scene 2 

88. First Night (The), Dutch farce, 1 act 4 : 

51. Fisherman's Luck, sketch, 1 scene. 2 
152. Fun in a Cooper's Shop, Ethiopian 

sketch 6 

106. Gambrinus, King of Lager Beer, 

Ethiopian burlesque, 2 scenes 8 ! 

83. German Emigiant (The),sketch.lsc. 2 : 
77. Getting Square on the Call Boy, 

sketch, 1 scene 3 

17. Ghost (The). Sketch, 1 act 2 

58. Ghost in a Pawn Shop, sketch. 1 sc. 4 

31. Glycerine Oil. sketch, 2 scenes 3 

20. Going for the Cup. interlude 4 

82. Good Night's Rest, sketch, 1 scene. 3 
130. Go and get Tight, Ethiopian sketch, 

1 scene 6 

86. Gripsack, sketch, 1 scene 3 

70. Guide to the Stage, sketch 3 

61. Happy Couple. 1 scene 2 1 

142. Happy Uncle Eufus, Ethiopian mu- 
sical sketch, 1 scene 1 ] 

23. Hard Times, extravaganza. 1 scene. 5 ] 
118. Helen's Funny Babies, burlesque, 

1 act 6 

3. Hemmed In. sketch 3 ] 

48. High Jack, the Heeler, sketch, 1 sc. 6 

68. Hippotheatron, sketch. 9 

150. How to Pay the Rent, farce, 1 scene 6 

71. In and Out. sketch. 1 scene 2 

123 Intelligence Office (The), Ethiopian 

sketch, 1 scene 2 1 



NEW MEI AND OLB ACRES. 



% Comcbi?. 



IN THREE ACTS. 



By TOM TAYLOR and A. DUBOURG, 

AuVfir f" "A Sis'er's Penance," ^' Jloiri/ Dunbar," "Mary M'arner," "Plot and 
Passioii," " The Hidden Hand," etc., eU, 



AS FIRST PEllFORMED AT THE THEATRE ROYAL, MANCnESTER 

FRIDAY, AUG. 20, 18G9, AND AT THE HAYMARKIiT THEATRE, 

LONDON, UNDER THE MANAGEMENT OF J. B. BUCK= 

STONE, ESQ., ON MONDAY, OCTOBER 25, 1869. 



TO WHICH 13 ADDED 



A DESCRIPTION OF THE COSTUMES — CAST OF THE CHARACTERS EN- 

T.BANCES AND EXITS — RELATIVE POSITIONS OF THE PER- 
FORMERS ON THE STAGE, AND THE WH'tjIjK 
OF THE STAGE BtJSINEgS 



, NEW YORK: 
ROBERT M. DE WITT, PTJBLISHER, 

No. 13 Frankfort Street. 



<A 



sayy m.y a-\i> vLb Acia.s. 



T4-A74S 



CAS'I' OF CHARACTERS. 

llaijmarl-ct Thealre, 
hnndon, Oct. 2o, 1S69. 

Marmaduke Vavasour, Esq. (of Cleve Abbey) Mr. Chippexd.m.e. 

Banxuel brown (a Liverpool ilerchaul ) Mr. Howe. 

Ml-. Buuter (a Self-made Man) Mr. Buckstoxe. 

Blazeubaig (a Miuing Agout and Fiuanciur) Mr. Kogei-.s. 

Bertie Fitzurse Mr. Buckstone, Jr. 

Seeker (an Attornej") Mr. Bkaid. 

Gantry (Butler at Cleve Abbey) Mr. AVeathersey. 

Toilit (Clerk of the Works) Mr. Jamks- 

Lady Mildred Vavasour Mrs. Chippendale. 

Lilian Vavasour Miss Madge Robektbon. 

Mrs. Bunter ^i'^- K. Fitzwili-iam. 

Fanny Bunter Miss Caiioline IJili. 

Mrs. Brill (Housekeeper at Cleve Abbey) Mi-^s Hauuison. 



SCENER F— ( English, modern). 

ACT I.-i^^Q change). Library in an old castle, modernized. AVainscolting, and 
painted C(nling in 5th fjrooves. 

Backing. 



I Door. I ...., 4 

Landscape. : Window. 



Window. : — 3 



i [] 



Door. 



„. ;.-ideboard. 

r^ano. Sideboard. 



Footstool. Table^'Ha Chairs. ^oo^- 



Closed in. 

Antique furnituro. Carpet down, roprosentiajr mar.iuetry flooring. Silver plate 
on sideboard, l. 2 e. French bovr- window r. c. in Hat. View of ruined Abbey on 
4th groove flat. Alcove l. u. corner lias the library book-shelves. A window in l. 
3 E. set, with stained glass, armorial bearings. Stained glass shields on the upper 
pa-t of window in f. Gilc and white knobs to each centre of the octagons in ceiling 
pattern, the C3 ling covering ths sta-e. Sunlight eSect r.. v. y.. Books and photo- 
jjraphic album on table. 

A CT //.-(N'o change) Euins of Abbey in 4th or oth groove. Archway c , in 3d or 
4'-'i c-oov^ ■ sot w.alls. Archways L. and r>. ; mined windows. Tree wings and sinks. 
Ivy U-iiiiings. Flowers, some to pick, n. 1 e. Rustic table e., witli chairs, chair and 



NEW MEA >.NU OLD ACKES. 

rustic settee k. Afternoon suu. View of castellated mansion, i;. c , uu flat, amon;^ 
trees. 

ACT JII.-(^o change). Drawing-room in 4tli groove. .All very showy and 
bright. Gilt turniture. Many pictures in largo frames. Parian statuettes under 
glass about stage, and on gilt round tables it. and l. front. Gilt and ebony etagerea 
at corners up R. and L. R. 1 and 2 e. open for a French window, opening intb con- 
servatory, some of tlie flowers and plants of which are shown. Doors l. 1 and 2 e. 
Lace and other curtains to windows. Ceiling closed in, with stained glass skyliglit 
ate, 2d entrance line. Table h. c. front, with chairs. Sofa ii. c. front, with small 
table. Flower baskets on stands each side of window, n. Life-size statues, nymphs, 
each side of d. in r., in upper entrance, with smaller statues behind them, to give 
the illusion of diminishing by perspective, instead of showing that they aio rcalli/ 
smaller. Writing materials ou l. table. 



COSTUMES. — ^English, frei<ent day.) 

Sahuel BiiowN. — Aged al>out thirty-flve. Close shaven, but small side-wl.i.skera. 
Acil.: Black hat and coat, gray pants. Act II.: Walking-dress, black coat, 
light pants, white vest, black high-crown felt hat. Act III. : Black coat and 
vest, dark gray pants. Enters with black valise, papers in his pocket. 

BuNTEn.— Affects a semi-clerical air ; sanctimonious in voice and manner. Black 
coat, white cravat, black vest, gray pants. 

Vavasohr. — Old Man.' Gray Whiskers, white hair. Acl I.: White vest, black 
coat, light gray pants, eye-glass on black ribbon, watch chain, cravat of dark 
blue silk with white spots. Acl II. : BLick suit, drab hat with broad black band, 
cane, gloves on. Act III.: Walking-dress, all black, liat as before. 

Blazeneaig.— A Germ.an, speaking broken English. Heavy beard and moustache. 
Iligh black, solt felt hat, cutaway coat, vest and pants of russet velveteen, 
watch-chain. Act II. : Enters witli fishprman's basket hung over his shoulder by 
its strap. 

Beutie Fitzuese.— A young "Swell." Acl I. : Tweed suit. Act II. : Gray tweed 
suit, short coat, black Tyrolcse ha J with cock's feathers. Act III. : Same as last ; 
flower in coat buttonhole. 

Secker. - Black, black glos-es, neck-cloth, .side-whiskers. 

Gantry.— A Butler, black suit, white tie. 

ToLLiT. — Walking-dress, hat. 

Valet.— To the Bunters. — Black suit. 

Telegraph Messenger. — Blue, edged with red, cap. 

Lilian Vavasouk. — Acl I. : Short fashionable dress ; the sash to match being up c. 
on table, ready to be fastened on ; hair loosely flowing, like a young girl's. 
Act II. : White muslin dress, with a vcr;/ short black silk upperskirt over it, jet 
ornaments. Act III. : Elegant walking-crc'ss, gray hat, Elizabethan ruff. 

Lady Mildred. — (This is not an Old Woman's part but a Comedienne's, requiring 
an imposing appearance, if possible). Act I. : Rich house-dress; rich cashmere 
shawl, head-dress ornaments, black lace trimmings, gilt smelling-bottle. Act 
II. : Handsome walking-dress, fan, shawl wound around her like a plaid is worn, 
smelling-bottle, gold-mounted eye-glass. Act III. : Walking-dress, smelling- 
bottle. 

Mrs. Bl'nter. — ('N'ot an Old Woman's part, but a Comedienne'.--). Very vulgar in 
speech, dross and manner. Act I. : Showy walking-dress, of some novel color. 
Act II. : Change, walking-dress, parasol. -4c; ///. : Ilouse-dross, jewelry. 

Fanny Buxter. — vie; /. ; Walking dress, showy. ^Ic< II.: White muslin dress. 
Act III. : Silk bousc-drcs.-. 

Mrs. Brill. — Plain dres.?, white cap, black silk apron. 



4. S-t'-^v 3ii:x x>\i) JLh Aciu;s. 

rBOFEBTIES {See Scenery ) 

JiCT I. Papers on table li. front ; telegrapliic message; tatting for Lilian, partly 

■worked; reticule for Mks. Bontek ; small bouquet lor Fanny Bunter ; 
Act 11. : t-et of lustruuieutsfor croquet, the hoops beinjj set up on stage at rise 
oi curtain ; lor Blazenbaig, fishing basket containing pieces of stone and ore ; 
lishing-poie, with a spear-head in the butt ; a letter in an official blue envelope 
stamped iu rod with the British royal coat of arms ; a dandelion llower to be 
plucked aurong other flowers k. 1e. ; letter for Seckek ; telegraph message for 
Telegum'H Messengeu; several sheets of paper, folded up, in Blazenbaig's 
pocket. Act III. {See Scenery): writing materials on table L. front; clieck- 
book for BuNTER ; lunch for one to be brought in on tray ; a large sheet of 
parchment, the upper part containing a genealogical tree witli shields on the 
branches, three rows of four shields in all, colored, with some lifteen lines, of 
reading at the toot of the page ; it rolls up on a roller ; telegraphic message ; 
black valise ; papers tor BiiowN ; deeds on parchment wi:h seali. 



LXrLANATION OF TIIL STAGE DIRECTIONS. 
The Actor is supposed to face the Audience. 



SCENE. 



B.3E. 



/ 



c2b. 



S. 13. 



/ 



/ 



c. 
ArDiENcr. 



\ 



\ 



\ 



L. IB. 



L. Left. 

I.. C. Left Centre. 

L. 1 E. Left First Entrance. 

L. 2 E. Left Second Entrance. 

I,. 3 E. Left Third Entrance. 

I., u. E. Left Upper Entrance 

(wherever this Scene may be.) 

t>. L. c. Door Left Centre. 



c. Centre. 

R. Kight. 

r., 1 E. Eight, First Entrance. 

R. 2 E. Itight Second Entrance. 

B. 3 E. Eight Third Entrance. 

R. u. E. Eight Upper Enti-ance, 

D. E. c. Door Eight Centre. 



\_For S'jnopsis sre page 42.] 



NEW MEN AND OLD ACRES. 



ACT I. 

SCENE. — Room in Cleve Abbey Manor House. 

Discover the BaTLER arranging books at table, l. c-, front 

Enter, L. 1 E- c, Mrs. Brii.l, the housekeeper. 

Mas- BuiLL {remains l ). Can I say a word to you, sir? 

BcTTLER {graciomly). If you can't, Mrs. Bri.l, who can 1 

Mrs. B. Here's ivir. S -cker's* cird. {places card on L. c. table) If 
Mr. Vavisour is not up, lie wislies him to be awakened. 

Bjt. Qiiita rigtit. 

Mks. B. Indeed. Wiio's Mr. Seeker ! (cotttemptuousig) H ''s only an 
attorney ! 

Bar. Only an attorney! He's tlie pnty that has his finger in every 
l>ie in the coun'y. and the licking of it, tool Tike care not to offend 
him. if you like to keep out of hot water. Hush! talking of the Old 
Gentleman, here he is ! 

Enter Seokeu, l. 1 e. d. 

Sectkku {fn Mrs. Brill). Did you tell Mr. Vavasour that I am 
here ! 

Mrs. B. (reij politely). He will be told so directly, sir. 

[Exit L. 1 B. D. 

Seck Thai's ri-jht! {to Bdtler) Take my card in— and look sharp! 
(l. c, taking one glove off.) [Erit BdtleR, with card, u. 1 e. d. 

Seck. {alone). I don't see how it is to be further delayed. The c ash 
must inevitably come. It's all the result of clients not looking matters 
in the face. So much the worse tor the clients ! 

Enter, R. 1 E. D., Mr. Vavasour. 

Vavasour. Good-raorning, Sicker! {shakes hands with Secker) I 
a;n ghul to see you. You were urgent to see me 1 {seated r. side of 
tahle^)' 

Sbciv. {seated -l. side of tabic, a little behind it]. Ye<, I wan'ed you for 
bus uess. so I c>me early. 

* Seeker is aot a made-up aauie, aa tiiero was an Eaglisk Aichbisliop witb* the 

63411^, 



6 IsEW MEN AXD OLD ACE.ES. 

Vav. I Iiope it is not the old story. As a friend, I like to see you 
every day, but as a lawyer the less often the Letter. 

Seck. (smiles). Well, I am afraid that I 

Vav. Afiaid / 

Seck. Yes. You have run to the end of the tether. 

Vav. Ah ! What, is the Abbey in danger ? 

Seck. Yes, you have no means of clearing the mortgage, and the 
holder insists on h iving his money. 

Vav. He must give more time. He has done it for the last two years. 

Skck. That's p:ecisely the reason he won'L do so any more. I think 
he me.ins to force a sale. 

Vav {h'llf rises). Sell Cleve Abbey ! whit terrible news for Lady 
Mil Ir^d I Can nothinii be done to save us. 

Seck. If it is clo ed now you iiave a chance of savins some ten thou- 
sand from ihe wreck, but in a year all will be e ,ten ui) by the interest. 

Vav. It is not for myself — it is for the family and children, and it will 
b(! Lilian's lirst season in London — Lady Mildred lias counted so much 
on the result of her appearance. 

Segk. You promised to prepare her — and have done so any time theso 
last two years. 

Vav. But you do not know what it is to hurt her piide, and I have 
liad t) pat of!' the telling her alwa\s. 

Seck. Very well, but soon, too soon, I fear, she will learn all through 
a more pr.blic medium. 

Vav. Wliat ! is such niter ruin to com3 to the h.^id of an ancient 
family, which returned county members in the reign of Henry the 
-Fourth ! Leave the old place to the mercy of strangers. Old houses 
are like pages in old history, and their associations twine round our 
h -arts like that ivy tajiestry upon tlie ruins of the old Abbey yonder. 

Seck. Old familits, Jlr. Vavasour, aie like crops — you exhaust them 
if you are all the time taking out and never put iiig in. 

Vav. Mr. Seeker, I did not expect to hear such revolutionary senti- 
.ments from you. 

Seck. I am a lawye.-, and as ,'ucli know nothing about revolutions, 
luit we must look facts in the f.icJ. What means have you to save your 
house if the mortgagee stands on his right. You must break it to iLady 
Mildred. Sae hid far better hear it from you. Besides, I make it. mv 
business never to interfere between man and wife. Y'ou must face the 
facts. • 

Vav. Face the facts! confound it, nian, it's how I am to face Lady 
Mildred. Hush, here she is ! 

Eiiicr, n. 1 n. D , Laliy Mildred. 

Lady Mildeed {wilh a Idler in her Jiand). Only think, my dear ! — Oh. 
you, is it, Mr. Seeker y {nods, comes to c.) I have a letter^— and would 
you believe it, poor Reginald Fitzurse — he has been taken ill with the 
measles — an I he has been only two j'ears married — as if he could not 
have wailed till a more favorable time, {to Mr. Vavasour) This will 
alter the anangements of Lady Bearholf to take charge of poor Lilian's 
debut. 

Vav. And it was so kind of her to tako the trouble, quite sisterly— 1 
may even say motherly. 

Lady ISL Saj', niolherly — that's the wo'd. She has four daushters of 
her own, iuid until sho haslheia all married otF lo tl!o yor.ngest, do you 
think she would have let Lilian secure an eligible peril. Sho would not 
have had a chauco. ((joa to Sbckfr) So, d*^ar Mr. Seeker, we must 



ACT I. 7 

manage the town ourselves. I slia'l expect you to find me a suitable 
residence— I piefer May fair to Belgravi:i. We shan't lake the horses — 
so iliaL you inn.st atLeri 1 to that ! {ilioughtfnUi/) Let me see. 
\'av {"Side to Skcker), It will be belier iVora you. 
Siiciv. {I'siiie to Vavasour). Not at all, if it, is tlie place of any one, it 
is thai iif -yiiui'seli. 

Lady .M Wliispeiins ! Ah ! (ihreatens than ivith her forefinger held vp, 
plrnjfalli/) If the presence of a lady does not prevent you spealung it 
undevbreaii), does it iireveiiL you sayin'T i' aloul ' (n. c ) 

Vav. (c, hesitalivp) Tli ' truth is, Mr. Seeker hanan impoi^tail matter 
to impart to your iadysliip. 

S.rcK. (l. c). I beii pardon. It is Mr. Vavasour who wishes your 

Iadysliip t" u'idcrs and 

\ K\\ An 1 so Mr. Seeker will explain. {gi"s up n. c) 
Si:c. It means that the lime has come for us to cease — \'oii to .'^pend 
an I 1 to limi m^a- s. 

Vav. Y<)U>ee. my ('!e-.r, \\\v.l Cleve Abb^y i.s tlireaiencl \vi;h {wssing 
inlo I he lianils of strangers. 

Lady ^L Cannut money hi raised on the moitga^je to p ly tlie inter- 
est ? 

Segk. That has been done so often that it cannot be done again. 
Lady M. Is the man s.> pressing 1 
Suck. Yes, lie wants his money. 
Lady M. Can nothing be done ] 

Seck. Notirug that 1 can see. In i)lain Englisli, you have come to 
tlie end of tlie t'-ther. C.eve Abbey sold now, may leave you some con- 
solation, but in a yea,r it will no'j biiiig you out clear. (Lady Mildred 
turns to Vavasodr.) 

Vav. Mv dear, I endeavore.l lo keep back the crash to the last. I 

was afraid 

Lady M. Of me ? (fimiles) And I never knew lliis 1 {sndhj) Marma- 
duke, have Ideseived ihi- i 

Vav. Have any of us deserved it 7 I have done all I cou'd. I have 
gone down op my knees to the lellow, by letter, of course, (r. c.) 

Lady M. Anyih ng may be remedied, if taken in time. Wi.en the 
captain gA'e.s n]> the ^hi[) the mite m st take charge. Tinst me, Clevo 
Abbey may be saved, and witliout my going on ray knees. But we 
must have lime, Jlr. Seeker. Can't we matiage that'/ We must lave no 
.-eerels from you. now. Lilian's first .'■e:ison in London m;.st not be 
com!)roniised, for many tea ons. The mutgiigee — is In known to you ? 
Seck. He is an old acqmin'unce, a man of hot:or, of wealth, and of 
position in the mercantile world. 

Lady M. O'.i, in tiade I Ah, tlien he is open lo socicd infiueiicT ! We 
must invite him down. 
Seck. He is l,e;e ! 
Lady M. Here? 

Seck. Yes, I give Irm a card lo se? th-^ grounds this morning. 
Vav. Taking stoek, as he calls it! Oh, ihe calljus impudence cf 
these moniM -grubbers ! 

Lady M. {to Vavasour)- He is here, and ynu hive not foiie lo do 
him the honors. .Isk him in. Say Lidy .Mil le I wishes lo see him. 

Vav. A'l! I rmed a rat! Capit 1 ilei! cu^f-il! Com.-^, Seeker, we 
will try to find l.im. [Exit -wUh Sitckkk, French ivmdow, r in F. 

Lady M. {(done). Anything to g:iin tiiu". Everything depends on 
that. Our stition in tl c county must bo main ained and Lilian's pros- 
pects mMta noc be clouded. Lei me see. (r c. front, thovghifulhj-) 



8 KETV' MKN A^■D OLD ACIiES. 

Enter, d. in l. of fiat, l. u- e. coiner, Lilian". 

Lilian. Ah ! so you are tliere, aunty ! {come'< cloivn and kimcs Lady 
MiLDUED.) I suppose you have liail breakf st? You really must excuse 
ine for playing uuant,, but I am floored after the ball last night. 

Lady M. Floored! Fatigued, you surely must mean. Now, don't 
use that dre.ultul siang. 

LiL. But tlie men like it, mammi ! 

Lady M. You mistake, my dear ! Men may not mind it in showy 
girls, but they do not like it in fast wivos. 

LiL. Very well, mamma, only that is not the way my cousin Bertia 
talKs of the times. I've been spending the hour since I was un, in grind- 
ing liiin in his English history. Bertie's very weak in hi-tory — and I 
have to reduce it lo very small i)ieces to suit liis limited digestion. I'm 
cramm'ng him, manimi, to pa's the Civil Service Examination. I've put 
the first two lines of French Kiigs to the tune of Old Rose and Blow 
the Bellows, {rattles off a few notes on the piano.) 

Lady M. You must really be less frivolous, Lilian, Come, seriously, 
bow did you enjoy yourself lust lusht ? 

LiL. oil, it was awful — (cJiecks herself) I mean, it was very jol. There 
was no end of amusement, though I didn't dance much. 

Lady ^L With your own set, of course. 

LiL. Of course. Stay, I dnncnl twice with a friend of the — {in a tone 
of nmtisement and contempt) B;. liters. 

Lady M. You danced with a friend of those odious Bunters, the ludi- 
crous parvenus, who have nothing but their money to sup-poi t tliem in 
the false position into which nothing but their impudence could have in- 
truded them. I thought you would have known better, Lilian. And 
dance wiih a friend of theirs ! Oh, Lily! 

LiL But he wasn't one of them. A very different kind of man 
altogether. He was quite thirty — what Be: tie calls an old fogy ! I only 
talked with him for sport, and chatfed him fiigiitfully. It was such fun. 

Lady M. To you ! perhaps not to him. 

LiL. Oh, he didn't mind it. Altogether, they are such a g'lne ! Old 
Bunter, with his Me hodistical airs ; nd sham pie y, and Mother Bunter, 
(Lady Mildred is shocked hy all the e strong expressions) with her brags 
of her old lace and new diamond-^. Now Fanny Bunter is not so bad ! 

Lady j\L How you go on ! Why, Lilly, every other word you utter is 
detestable slan2. You must learn to speak only as becomes a young 
lady of your station. 

LiL. Oh, mamma, you lecture just like Mr. Brown. 

Lady M. Mr. Brown? Brown] I was not aware that we knew any- 
body of the name of Brown. 

LiL. Oh, he's my partner, at the ball. (Lady M. takes seat l. c-, 
front, and Lilian sits on footstool at her feet.) 

Lady M. Lilian, the lime is come for you to look upon the world with 
different eyes than a child's. No one can be secure in her happiness 
beyond the jiossibility of its los-s. Unlike too many mothers, I have 
never given you a sentimental v.ew of life, but prepared you to look upon 
marriage as tlie chief duty and end of your ambition. 

LiL. {cardesslg). 0!i, you have told me all that before ! 

Lady M. Yoiir lather is not rich. 

LiL. De.r pnp.i, I wish I could fill bis dear old pockets. 

Lady M Even younor girls may be of assistance in emergencies and 
alter the direcfou of alfairs. Aii ! if I h:id had such a mother as you, 
1 niiiiht have had n very diSerent life. 

Lix.. {sharplij). You would not have married papa I 



ACT I. 9 

Lady M. {loftily). 1 niii not aware llirii I sxid aiiyLhiiig to warrant 
such a supposition ! Remsmbe •, my dear, that in our class, a fortune is 
the main, nay, indispensable tiling. Witliout it, most things that make 
life un[)leasant, cannot be avoided, and, with it, most things that make 
life pleasant are to be attained. You must learn to be more circum- 
spect in j'our actions and your language. Apropos, wliere do you ac- 
quire tlie blemishes tliat disfigure your daily speech ? i^rises.) 

LiL. {yifes). Onlj^ from my cousin. 

Lady M. Detestable slang. By the way you must not be with your 
cousin Bertie so free and easy, 

LiL. Oh, there's no danger tliere. 

Lady M. For you, may bo not. 

LiL. Pooh, mamma, no man ever fell ia love with h!s coach 

Lady M. Lilian ! {severely.') 

LiL. {icalkiufj up and doivn tvith Lady Mildred, ivho tries to turn away 
from her). Ntw, mamma, th.it's not slang — it really isn't. It's the reg- 
ular thing— I mean, it's the correct word-why if Bertie were to come 
an.y of his nonsense, I should be down on him like a hanimer. 

Lady M. Dreadful ! 

Lil. I beg pardon, I mean, I shou'd shut him u,i ! clap on the extin- 
guisher ! (Lady Mildred scolds Iicr.) 

Enter, d. in f., l. v. e. corner, Bertie Fitzitrse, 

Ber. (comes doion l., irith hook in linnd). I say, Lilly, — oh, I beg par- 
don, aunty ! {-l. c. front) I say, Lilly, how can you div.de 1,781,000 
pounds five-and-six-jience, by six-and-eight-pence ! Six into one won't 
go, and eight into five-;ind-sixpence — I'll be hanged if you can ! 

Lil. [comes to Bertiej. You stuj)!! ! you must reduce them both to a 
common denominator. Excuse me, aunly. {wrdks Bertie vp l.) Com- 
pound division cuts up poor Bertie badly. Come on, then. Don't you 
dare argue, sir, with your teacher ! 

[Exit, with Bertie, d. in v., l. v. e. corner. 

Lady M. The dear child was born to be the leader. 

Enter, n. d. in p., Secker rw/ Brown. 

Secker. 1 b-g to present to your 1 idyship. Mr. Samuel Brown, my 
friend, and a <]:eiitleman of high commercial standing in Liverpool. 
Brown, Lady Mildred, {salutations exchanged betivccn Brown, tip K. c, and 
Lady Mildred, l. c. front ) 

I'ADY M. You could not have come in more apropo.s. My daughter 
and I were just talking; of you. 

Brown. Indeed! This morning is full of surprises ! 

Lady M. She was speaking of the agreeable hour spent at the ball in 
your company. 

Brown. I should not Jiave guessed it was so agreeable from what im- 
jjressiou I had of it. 

Lady M. OIi, Lilian is very light, and in the highest of goo 1 spirit*. 
Tliat shows how little you men know really of the fema o heart. I suppose 
Mr. Vavasour will be happy to show you the larm ami the st.^bles, and 
you must permit me to be your anide over my flower-garden, {(/omcj up 
R. c, tvith Brown, on his arm) You know we poor women have to find 
ill ihem companions — I may almost say friends. 

Brown. At least they have one invaluable quality — they never rejieat 
what they hear. 



10 



NEW MtN AXI) OLD ACKES. 



Lady M. Do you infer tliat that is why they are always on the bhish ? 
This way, Mr. Brown, this way. [Exit with Bkown, d. f., and k. p. e 

Seck. (bi/ table, l. c, cluue, adde), hook alter your pocliets" Sam 
Brown. Now, why won't tliey let ^ucli a woman as that Men into her 
Jjusband's shoes, as well as wear liis sraall-ciutiies ? [lixd, l. 1 e. d. 

i:iiter, D. F., L. 0. corner, Bertie, with a booh, and Lilian. They come 

doivn, L. c, to tabic. 

Bertie. Look here, Lilly! Here 'a a 'puzzler for you! {reads from 
book) If uvelve dig a trench twenty feet wide, and eight deep and loner 
in three days of twelve hours, in how manv days of nine lioius each wi7l 
It t:ive f\>ity men to dig a trench twenty feet deep, and eiaht Ion- and 
wide : How can you do it unless you know liow strong the other fellahs 

be'^e^'uaf """ °'^''* ''"^''^ ' ^" "" ' ""''' ""^^^^ ^''^ strength is supposed fo 
Ber. That won't do I one fellah ain't as strong as another fellah— 
un e^s they're twins. You might as well give a fellah the price of beef 
in the markets and ask him to get up the names, weights and correct 
colors ot the Derby card. 

LiL^ Suppose we try it. There, sit you down there ! {they sit at table 
L. c.Jront) Now, will you do the sum, or are you better prepared for 
your decisive batt'es. ^ ^ 

Beb.. {mournfully). I know of one deci.'^ive battle, and that's between 
Bertie Fitzurse and his coach. I wonder where you get the patience 
liom to take all this trouble with me. 

LiL. It is because I want you to pass with credit. 
Ber. But suppose t!iey should put the examination oflf— they did so 
once before. Tlien I should have lo be crammed all over atrain 

LiL. Oh, I'll t <ke care of that. We must get one charge out before we 
put in another, or ihe gun would bur.-t ! 

Ber, {dratvling). I've almost a mind 

LiL. Doubtful ! 

Ber. {quickly). I've almost a min 1 to cut the Civil Service, and "o out 
to Australia. A lellah can get a shot there at a kangaroo, or may'be ^o 
in for an elephai;!! ^ j j >,^ 

LiL. And come back a lion ! with a tremendous mane of tawnv beard 
and a tale — m two volumes! {laughs.) ' 

Ber, Ah ! you ch iff a fellah so ! I can't mike you out. Lilly ! I am 
very fond of you, not only because you are so good a teacher. You'r.. 
an awfully jolly girl. And I'd like to ask von a quesiion. 

LiL. Oh, anything about the History of Enaland ' 

_ Ber. Come, ted me how you like me, notln the way of a coach, but 

in the way of a lover, {rises ) j . ^ 

LiL. {Hses) Now, you be a good boy, Bertie, and don't talk nonsense ' 

Ber But i really am in earne.^t, 'poii my woid ! A fellah don't like 

to go down upon his knees, but if tliat's the correct thin<T, I ^in do it 

LiL No, no I it^ anything but the correct thing I assure you. (iv'alks 
tip and down with Bertie) Don't y.ui know that it comes under the „ro 
iibited degrees, {ivith nmck solemnity) A man must not go down n\ his 
knees to lus coach! No, Bertie ! {with feeling) yon and I are not to 
think 01 a union by affection. You are a youth of lank and mns look 
out for a young lady with a fortune, while l-{asidc. tearfu7n Iknov' 
what I must look out for, ^ ' -^ ^' ^ ''"'^^' 

Ber. Money ! I don't care a rap for money ! 
LiL. Bertie! everything is built upon money. 



ACl I. 11 

Enter, k.d. i-i F., Lady Mildred, remaimng up R. c, listening, tutteen. 

Fortune is the main, nay, the indispensale Uiing {imitates the voice of 
Lady Mildred when she spoke these same words) to persons in our posi- 
tion of life. WiLliout it most tbin^s tliat malie life unpleasant cannot bs 
avoided, but, with it, most things that make lile pleasant can be got. 

Lady M. {aside). Mj' lesson to ihe letter, {smiles in satisfaction.) 

Ber. Ah, Lillian, I did not think you one of that sort. 

LiL Didn't you ? 

15er. I didn't believe you would scorn an honest fellah's love, just be- 
cause he hadn't the hard cash. 

LiL. I can't afford, I lell you ! But, I tell you what, you behave 
yourself and I'll coach j'ou in matrimony as well as in mathematics. 
Why don't you make up to Fanny Bunterl — she's pretty, and she's got 
lots of money ! 

Ber. If 1 were to take your advice, I'm sure voa wouldn't lialf 
like it ! 

LiL. Just you try ! Don't dare to answer me back ! Am I or am I 
not your coach, sir '■ 

Ber. The very next time I see Fanny Bunter, I shall make desperate 
running with her, you shall see if I don't ! [£xit, d. f. l. it. corner. 

Lady M. {comes cloivn). Nothing cou'.d be better, my dear, {kisset 
Lilian.) 

LiL. Oh, mamma! Were you there 1 

Ladt M. You have acted very sensibly towards Bertie. But never 
mind him. There's an acquaintance of yours in the g'lrden, who has 
been inquiring for you. 

Lil. {goes up r. c). Who do you mean, mamraa ? {looks out of d. f.) 
Oh, Mr. Brown ! Pshaw! I don't care for him. 

Lady M. He is a very agreeable gentleman, and I could have wished 
you had shown him moie respect last night. 

Lil. Respect to a Mr. Brown! {mocking Lady Mildred's voice) a 
friend of the Bunters ! I was not aware ijjat you were lamiliar with 
any person of the name of Brown, {up r. c.) 

Enter, D. F., Vavasour, with a paper in his hand. 

YkM. A le'egram to say that poor Reginald has died of the measles. 

Lady M. How dreadful ! 

Vav. Yes, indeed. 

Lady M. Allow me to finish, my dear. How dreadful the disappoint- 
ment to Lady Fitzurse, slie will not be able to bring out her daughters 
in town this season. By the way, this decease will make a difference in 
Bertie's prospects. 

Vav. Of course, my dear. As the next in the line, failing issue. 

Lady M. Ah, perhaps we were wrong to treat him so' l;ar.-hly. {to 

Lll.IAN.) 

Lil. I thought you wanted it, mamma ! 

Lady M. You will be the b='st one to tell liim of this new. — we are 
too much affected just now. Break it to him gently. 

Lil. Yes, mamma. Only as we liave not spoken to Cousin Reginald 
ai'.y time the last five years, I don't tee as you can be expected to be 
inuoh affected. [E.vit, d. f. l. u. e. 

Lady M. {to Vavasour). Whatever way, Lilian's prospects must not 
be blightrd. 

Vav. Ah! that's just like Reginald! Always doing things at the 



12 NEW ari>' A^D oi,d acuks. 

wrong lime. Now, v, liy could he noL have postponed rven po nrirenl a 
matier to a more couvenieiil moment. 

Lady M. Perhaps all is uot lost yet. There may siill he a way of 
keeping Cleve Abbey in the family. 

Vav. Indeed. How can Ihat be done? 

Lady M. Let us marry Lilian to this man who holds the mortgage. 

Vav. Ail ! 

Lady M. He has just told me tliat Lilian made a peculiar inipressicii 
upon him. 

Vav. Marry Lilian to one of these money-grubbers ! Ah ! why it is 
enough to make tlie Vavasours lise up out ot the lamily vault. 

Lady M. 1)o iv>l give way to seiit.ment, Marmaduke. There is no 
other escape. Lilian must sacritice herself, and what does it matter 
after all, whether the Abbey descends by the male or female line ? 

Vav. Belter so than not. (sadli/) I suppose it is the Law of Nature 
for the.se money-ffncbs to eat uf) the old trees. But Lilian is the partner 
for a gentleman, and must not be matched with a (^nob, 

Lady M. Mr. Brown is no snob! He is one of England's Merchant 
Princess — one of those wtio have carried and upheld in the most distant 
lands the character of this little Island. 

Vav. Ah! so vou have been to the Manchester school 1* {talks with 
Ladt Mildred, b. c.) 

Enter, p. v., i,. v. comer, Lilian. 

.^ILIAN. That's done. I have told Beriie, mamma. And now, 1 sup- 
pose, we shall all have to doff our fine feathers and put on black ? 

Lady M. Without delay, my dear. 

Lil. And 1 have got to bid adieu to London in the season — oh, I 
could cry my eyes out with vexation. 

Lady M. It is very disappointing, no doubt, my love, but these thing:: 
happen under all arrangements. 

Lil. But I don't see why, when we didn't care for him while he was 
alive, we should grieve for him now. It's disgusting hypocrisy to put 
black on for him when he's gone ! 

Vav. My dear, j'ou may think so, but 3'ou mustn't say so. 

Lady M. Family mourning i-i one of the usages of good soc'eiy. 

Lil. Forg ve me, mamma, if I am petulant, but this having to f;ive up 
the idea of going to London is the ruin < f my visions of happ'ness. I 
thought, too, that I could then be of sei-vice. I love the dear old ])lace, 
and wanted to ^ave it. We girls are so meless generally that I felt so 
proud of my chance to do something. 

Lady M. Cheer up. 

Enter, d. f., u. c. Bkown. 

Yon may do ns much here as there, yet. 

Vav. Ah, Mr. Brown ! 1 must leave yon to t!ie ladies, as I have to 
write the letters of condolence, (to r. 1 e. d.) Poor lletisy ! 

[Exit, K. 1 E. D. 

Brown {to Lilian). I must apologize for any faults in my endeavor 
to entertain you last night. 

Lil. No, I am afraid that I annoyed you. (l. c ) 
Bkown. It amused you, and it did not hurt mo. (c.) ' 

* The Manchester school of politicians are those whose platform was planned by 
Cobden and Bright. 



Ladt M. (u. c ). You l.ave lifard cf our I'amily lier^nveiiieiU, I be- 
lieve. Reginald Filzsme, Lad Beailiolm's eldest son, is dead. 

Bkown. Yes, Mr. ^'ava!sou^ .said sonielhing of the kind. As you had 
not been^on speakiufj lernis with them the last few years 1 trust the grief 
is not too jjeavy to be borne. 

Lady M Ah ! it is the thought of previous unkindnesses that deep- 
ens one's melancholy at moments hke these. [L'zil, r. 1 e. d, 

Lilian sits at piano and carelessly plai/s a fashionable waltz during the 
yollowing, BiiowN stands tip n. c. bi/ the jjiano. 

LiL. I don't feel ns much of it as mamma. I never saw cousin Regi- 
naKl, .'■o 1 cannot be expec ed to be very much grief-strickeu, can 1 1 

Browx. I should hope not. 

LiL. But I am so disappointed not to enjoy the London season. 

Bkown. I wonder how you can care for it, livinjr in such a lovely 
lilace. Why, I could give up even Liverjjool for a home like this. 

LiL. Oh, you surely wouMn'tcomjiare London with Liverpool!* Liver- 
pool is a smoky, noisy, bustling place, while London is all lile, gayety, 
])leasure ! 

Brown, London is well enough in its way, but I am very far of 
L verpool, with its bills of lad. ug, dock warrants, invoices— that's the lile 
1 have had all my lite 1 

LiL. Y'ou must have found it awful dull, 
' Brown. Not half so much so as what some people call a life of amuse- 
ment. Y'et I could give up even Liverpool to turn to a quiet life as a 
gemleman larmer. 

LiL. So } ou are fond of farm'ng, are you 1 So am I ! (yetting inter- 
ested') Sit down, won't you? {goes to c. where Bnown places chairs for them 
both, he on her left.) m 

Brown. Thank you. 

LiL. Ah ! that's hearty ! pottering across country on a hundred 
guinea cob ! in all the sports of the county, calling in at every cottage 
fur miles around wIlIi kind words to everj- one and a welcome from all — 
and then the dear old big-eyed cows, and the dear little calves coming 
uj) to rub their cola noses in one's hand. 

Brown. Tliuts yomig lady farming. 1 am afraid I should go in for 
sheej) and pigs — a nice lot ct plump black Be;ks, for instaiice. 

LiL. Oh! i like pijis, too ! And thtm there's the county balls, and 
the scliools for the young, and the old women in the a!ms-hoases. 

Brown. I don't know much about old women 

LiL. Altogether there's no lilc l.ko it. I should like to be a gentleman 
farmer. 

Brown. Tha.'s out of the question. But you may have ])ersuaded me 
to be on?. 1 think of holding some property in this immediate neigh- 
borhood. 

LiL. In this county ? 'Why, there is nothing for sale in this neighbor- 
hood at i)re ent. 

Brown. But there maj' be shortly. 

LiL. 'Wc thall be always glad to hear of you ai a neiglibor. {offirs h.r 
hind.) 

Brown. Thank you. Ahem! The Bunters have not found themselves 
well leceived here. 

LiL. Oh, the Bunters! They thought their money would open all the 

* The Liverpudlians sceak of London as the Bostonians or Philadelphians of Ne-w 
York. . 



14 NEW Al£>- AMj oLU ACKBa- 

doors ill the couuty, and so it was a pleasure to shuttlieiu iii tlieir faces. 
Come, you must ackiuiwiedge that Banter is an unmistakable cad! 
(Brown starts in surprise) As lor his wife, whatever she puts on, she is 
a Huy ! a downright corkscrew ! At least, that's what Bertie calls her. 
Bertie is my cousin — he's staying down here with us, studying for the 
Civil Service examination. I am coaching liim in English History. 

Browx. And he is teaching you the English language ! 

LiL. What ! have I said anything a little too strong I 

Brown. You mast admit that "cad " is a rather strong expression in a 
youn^ lady's mouth. 

LtL. [Iialf offended). Oh, I like words that there caii't be any mistake 
about ! 

Brown. I sliould think there was some mistake about " cad '' and 
" guy,"' and such like. 

LiL. We old families are not liko such vulgar pnrrenus. S ly what 
they will, there are some things which cannot be bought with money. 

Brown. Can you tell me wiiat they are? 

LiL. The honor and cieditof an old name, the pride of a long line of 
noble ancestry, tliat makes tlie leasl of us equal to the highest of the un- 
known. 

Brown. Oh, I grant you, the past is yours. But the future belongs 
to the new men with brains to think out a way, and hands to make 
it, and not to those who sit in a corner with their hands lo:ded because 
their foreiathers did something or other before they were born. 

Liii. Well, the future can't belong to peoiile like the Bunters, wlio 
don't know who was tiieir grandfather — or it wouldn't be a future at all. 

Brown {rises). I don't know my grandfaiher. He is merged into the 
vast congregation of the Browns. Bat still it is a consolation to know 
that one must have had a grandfather some time. 

LiL. Ah ! you cannot be expected to understand these things as we 
old families look upon them, {rises. ) 

Enter Lady Mildred, r. 1 e. d. 

Ladt M. Well, Mr, Brown, have vou made your peace with the young 
lady ? 

Brom'n. j was not aware of any cause of enmity between us, and if so 
I trust that has been dissipated by our conversation, {gives Lady Mil- 
dred his arm and they exeunt, r. d. f.) 

LiL. {alone by table, l. c). 1 don't like him a bit. What right has he 
to correct my English "2 I wonder what makes mamma so civil to him ? 

Elder Servant, l. 1 e. d. 

Servant. Mr. and Mrs. Banter, Miss Banter and Mr. Blazenbaig. 
LiL. {aside). The Bunters 1 Oh, mamma wouldn't bee them for the 
world, {aloud) Tell them wo are out. Ah, too late ! 

Enter, l. 1 e. d., Mr. Bhnter, Mr?. Bunter, Fanny Bunter, and 
Blazenbaig. Exit Servant. 

Mrs. Burter. My dear Miss Vavasour ! We beg to return your fan 
which you lefc last night in our carriage, {gives fan to Lilian.)* 
LiL. Tiiank you. {puts fan e., on table or stand.) 

* Lilian. Mus. Bunxek. Bunter. Fanny. Blazenbaig. 

M. C. Q L. C. L. 



ACT I. lv> 

Mrs. B. The day was so fiiiu that we thought we would call and re- 
tuiu it. 

UuNTER. And wherever I call, I make it a p'int to walk in. 

Blaz. Ah, mine frien' Bunicr, hi; n>;iko it a i)'int to va!k into eferv- 
body vat he calls on. 

Bun. This is Professor Blazenbai^. I call him my Chancellor of the 
Exchequer, my Commissioner of Works ! {sl/'ps Blazenbaig on the 
ihoiddir.) 

Blaz. Nefer yon mind vat mine fricn' Buiiter say! He is komisch — 
vat you call, a vag — yah, a vag ! a man mic a strong feeling lor de 
humor! {/o BtrxTKK, f.'s«i/f) I vants lo shpy about, i viil regonnoilre 
der groundi. (ffocs up lo n. d. f ) 

LiL. I must make excuses in case j"ou should not see mamma. She 
is much disiressed with the news of the death in Lord Bearholme's 
family, the elder brother of my cou in Bertie Fitzurse. 

Mrs. B. Tne iionorable Bertie F.tzurse ! What a dreadful afHiction I 
Pray convey lo your mother the rxpression of how much we leel lor her. 

Bun. {ii/ce a stump-preacher). Thus wo are cut down like a flower ! 
What are rank and liiles whicli d) not cling to a man, while native no- 
bility never deserts us. When I came to the great metropolis 1 had only 
three pence in coppers in my poci-.et! and not a friend in the world! 
but I had h'industiy and h'energy, and with h'industry and h'energy I 
rose to the proud po -ition of the humble individual you see before you. 

Mrs. B. {(iiignlii). 1 dou't see what cause you have to go backward 
like that. 

Bnx. {lakivff a step forward). Because I have come forward like this ! 
And besides we read that it is not good to be puU'-ed up ! 

Mrs. B. {looks up stage to Lilian). What a pleasant view you have 
from here. I declare you have qui.e a h'oruament in the deerpark and 
the Abbey Piuins. 

Fanny {scnlimeittcdhj). Oh, how delightful ! I adore ruins ! They 
speak to me with the voices of ages. Hark! lean hear them now! 
Don't you hear them now ? 

LiL. (smdes). No I that is only something in the wind. 

Mus. B. I like ruins, too. If I had my way I should have had Beau- 
mano.r Park laid out in ruins, but Banter lias some objections. 

Bun. Not for the expense. But to you old lamilies, old furniture, old 
ruins, old antiquities and to us modern li'elegance and h'opulence like 
ours ! 

LiL. (^aside). Why won't they go? {impatiently.) 

Mrs. B. While I am here, I should so like to see your greeneries and 
glasses. 

Bun. And iron, my dear! Glass and 'won are the two main supports 
of our age, and, with the hot wat-r pipei no progress is impossible un- 
der modern civilization, {to Lilian) 1 have three acres of land under 
glass in cultivation, and my j)i;ier;es are equal f) Chatswoith. At 
least, my gardener saj's so, and I pay hiui enough for him to ought to 
know ! But what is man that he should boast, for he is but a flower — 
here to-day and gone to-morrow ! 

LiL. The gardener will show you around, {to r. 1 e. d., aside) For 
what I have escaped, may I be truly thankful to luy stars. 

{E:tit, R. 1 E. D. 

Fan. {ndmiritig calinet). Oh, pa})a ! mamma ! come and see this beau- 
tiful buhl ! {jip R c.) 

Bun. What's that 1 a beautiful bull? you mean that little cow out 
there on the lawn ? 

Fan. No, papa, I meant this buhl. B-u-h-1, buhl. 



IG NEW ilEN ^JSD OLD ACEES. 

liuN. {shakes his head gravely). No, my clear ! there may be many 
modern b'inuovations, and many foreign fasliions introduced but b-u- 
double-1 spells bull all the world over ! 

Fan. Oh, there's no use speaking lo papa, {to Mks. Ednter, who is 
looking at photographic album on table up l. c.) Ouiy louk at tliis marque- 
try, mamma. 

liuN. Well, this is the first time I ever knew you to take an interest ii7 
marketry ! (Fanny tosses her head mdignantly, and converses with Mks. 

BUNTER.'> 

Enter, r. d. f., Blas3NSAi:5, excited. Com rs down to Bunter, c. 

Blaz. Hurrah ! nieia iVieu' ! U's all i i^hi ! Soocli man;nificent kid- 
neys ! der groundt is full mit de hematiie I Dere is tousands und tous- 
ands in der mines oonder below our foot ! 

Bun. {delighted). Thon we will have those kidneys in our pockets! 
{rubs his hmids"^ Mind that nobody here gets an inkling of the secret. 

Blaz. G^'ut ! I vas oop to a snuff ! 

Bun. Brown is over here. Do you tliink he knows anything 1 

Blaz. Deie is no fear, I haf sounded Brown. He knows nothing 
{converses aniraatedlj with Bunter, l. c. front.^ 

Mrs. B. [^comes doivii c, small album 02)eii in her hand). Oh, look here ! 
if it isn't Mr. Bertie Filzurse ! 

Fan. So it is ! my partner at the ball last night. 

Mks. B. Such a very h'elegant young man. 

Bun. Banks his money at the Bank of Elegance !* 

Mrs. B. {suddenly). Lord Bearholme's eldest son having died, this 
Mr. F.lzurse may be a lord some day. 

Fan. Dear me ! I thought there was something distingm about him. 
He waltzed so divinely I 

Bun. We should be thankful we are not members of a bloated aristoc- 
racy ! How can they expect to prosper when they know not the priti- 
ciples of piety and business 1 

Fan. What dreadful sentiments, papa ! 

Bun. All that is great and profitable iw civilization comes out of the 
brnns and bank books of the middle-class. 

Mrs B. But wliere will you find such intelligence and refinement as 
in the nobles of England ' 

Enter, L. D. F., Bektie, coming down L. ivith pnjjer and pencil in his hands. 

Ber. I say, Lilly, how do you spell sympathy 1 with a y or with nn i ? 
{looks up confused) I — I beg your pardon. I didn't know that anybody 
was here, {to Fanny) Haiv aaiv yah do ? You haven't seen any one yetl 
Can I be of any service to yaw? 

Mrs. B. Mis Vavsourhiis only just left us. We were waiting for 
the gardener to show iis the flowers. 

Ber. {puts ati-ay pencil and paper eagerly). Can't I have the ]>l(asyar1 
I assure yaw, most happy — I have positively nothing to do. (c. front.) 

Enter, R. 1 E. D., Lilian. 

LiL. What's that I hear, sir ] nolh'.ng to do ! (r. c. froul.) 

* " Bank of Elegance " bills are similsr to tln^ v.alpiitincs printed as Crafts on the 
" Bank of Love," and sometimes usecl Ijy o-i'.iit. r;oit; xi. 



ACT I. I-"- 

Bnx. Well, Blazenbais, we'll take a walk aroc.id the Horn? Farm. 
You won't mind us ruining away, ladies? Come along, Blazenbaig. 
[Exi/, L. 1 E. D., tvifh Blazexbaig, talking with him. 

Fan. (u. c. «f(7/i Bertie). Are you fond of flowers, Mr. Fitzurse ? 

Beu. They"r3 very pretty, bwt they are rayther dear for the button- 
hole. 

Fan. Oh, I adore ff jwers ! Do you not think they have a life of their 
own — a speec'.i 1 I can frid a voice even in a liedge. 

Ber. Ya-as, a fellali is never lotiely willi a weed. 

Fax. And tlien their perfume ! Don'l you admire flowers far their per- 
fume ? 

Ber. Never could bear them, even in the open air. 

Fax. Do yo;i remember what Yv'ordsworlh s:iys ; " A yellow primrose 
by the river's brim, was but a primrose— notlii:ig more to him." 

Ber. "Nothing more to him." I wonder what more could it be"? 
{gives his arm to Faxxy, and they exettnt, r. d. f.) 

Mrs- B. O'.i I I declare! there's Mr. Fitzurse and Fanny walking ofl 
io geihev tater-tatci- ! (up-R. c.) Dear m-" 1 and tiiere's your mamma in 
the garden, arm in arm with Mr. Brown ! I knew your papa was in dif- 
ficulties, but I sliould have thought Mr. Brown a man of more taste than 
to intrude himself here. 

LiL. What do you mean \ I don't understand, {puzzled) Why 
should not Mr. Brown call on us here. You introduced hiiu to me at 
the ball last night. 

IMrs B. Why, everybody knows. Your papa has mortgaged his 
estate, and he does not find it easy to pay — and that's why he thinks it 
jusf. as well to be kind to the mortgagee, who is Mr. Brown. 

LiL. My papa owes Mr. Brown money, and cannot pay. {sealed at l. c. 
table.) 

Mrs. B. Atid he is going to force a sale, {seated at l. c. table.) 

LiL. Sell Cieve Abbey T 

Mrs. B. Brown is not such a fool as to lose the pioperty, unless your 
mamma talks him over. And there's nothing a woman cn't do with her 
speech. You ought to see the cheques I have swin lied Bunter out of. 

LiL. You surely must be mistaken. 

]\Irs. B Indeed, I am not mistaken. The whole county talks of it, 
but you miy easily never have heard of it. But such tilings are all the 
time hai)pening. I dare say there will be a good sum if the estate is 
soil now {going up c) Perhaps Bunter may make a bid for it. I don't 
dislike the i)lace, come to look at it. [Exit, r. d. f. 

LiL. {standing, leaning one hand on table, in painful thought). This ex- 
plains wny mamma was so kind to him. Can it be that, strangers may 
yet live in Cleve Abbey? Sell the dear old place I Oh! poor papal 
{hand to her eijcs.) 

Enter, ix , d. f., Browx, li'it i.i hand. 

Brown {ehecrily). Your mother insists upnn it that we are not yet 
good friends, {comes down c.) I have come to do away with that im- 
pression before I say good-morning. You turn aw.iy your head. Why 
do you look so pale ? Can your mother have been right ? 

LiL. {tearfulhj). When you said that you meant to buy an estate in 
this neighborhood this mornins, I did not know what I know now. It 
was Cleve Abbey ! (Buowx starts in surprise, he puts his hat on table) 
You hold a mortgage on it, and my pipa will be forced to tell the Ab- 
bey. 

BnowN {gravely). I do not think that is a proper subject to be dis- 
cussed between us 



IB KKW ME>' AM) OLD ACHES. 

LiL. {sadbj). Ah ! you think me a mere girl, like the rest of them. 
Brown. No ! 

LiL. Thank you for that. Is it true my papa will be forced to sell 
our home 1 

Browx. I am afraid— your father's embarrassment is deep 

LiL. I understand — I understand. We must leave ihe roof that has 
been over those of our name so long. If they sell the Abbey, you m«Em 
to buy. 

Brown. Well, redly, I — I would rather you would not press me. 
LiL. Somebody, I suppose, must buy it. 
Brown. If I do, is there anything you would like me to do 1 
LiL. 1 hope you will keep ui) the old place ? (Brown nods) The house 
and the garden — and the sundal with the broken nuse — {sicppt-esscs her 
tears) and the fish-pond — there are no fisii in it now, and it is full of 
duckweed, but I shouldn't like to hear of it's being rcmoveL 

Brown. The fish shall be religiously kept out and the duckweed as 
religiously kept in — I assure you. I shall do everytlung you wish. 

LiL. Tiien there's the school 

Brown. Oli, that's to my taste — I will have it put in thorough repair, 
and see the teachers have vigorous young blood. 
LiL. No, no ! you must keep the old masters ! 
Brown. Are they up to the mark 1 

LiL. I don't know. I only know they have been there ever since I can 
remember. Tlien there's the o'd women in tiie V'avasour Almshouses. 
How they will miss me on AVednesdays ! 

Brown. I fear I cannot make up tor you in that. 

LiL. (^half smilvig). Tea and tobacco will go a great w.ij' towards that. 
Brown. I promise. 

LiL. Ble-s you ! {flakes Brown's hand) Then there's my old Ihorougli- 
bred mare — slie's past moving now ; and Nep, my black retriever — and 
the lame peacock with one eye — I think you will do all you promise. 
Brown. Thank you. {shakes her hmid) Is there anything more ? 
LiL. No. Thank you so much — thank you ! {with an effort) Good- 
morning ! 

Bkown. Good-morning, Mi-s Vavasour! {their haiids reluctanlhj let go, 
and Brown goes a little up c.) 

LiL. {bursts into sobbing). Oh ! I can't bear it! 

Brown [turns find eomes beside her). Oh, Miss Vavasour, why do j'ou 
e.xpose yourself and me to this jiain. 

Enter, k. b. f., Lady Mildrkd, who remains up c, lookinij at the speakers 
in surprise and then in pleasure. 

Pray compose yourself! I wish I could tell you how much I feel for 
you {takes her hand and supports her) and yours. (Lilian is about to 
cling to him^ half fainting. ) 

Picture. 

Lady IMildred {up c 

Bkown ff?«^ Lilian (c. front.) 

SLOW curtain. 



19 



ACT II. 
SCENE. — Abbey Ruins tn olh {/moves. Afternoon. 
Discover Fanny eind Bertie, plarjing croquet, k. c. 

Fan. {drives ball through hoop). One for ins. (sings) I"iu afloat! I'm 
afloat ! etc. (Bertie takes a seat on settee r. front, and fens himself as if 
fatigued) It's no use giving you grnce— j'ou liave no chance in the game. 

Bek. Ya-as, tlaere's no use my sticking up to play it — unless you will 
coach me in croquet as Lilly has in the history. Ah ! that examination 
was an awful hard thing ! You don't mind a cigarette, do you ? 

Fan. No ! {playing xvith croquet millet and the balls.) 

Ber. By Jove ! A fellah wants s, deal of lest after so much exertion. 
I really enjoy the quiet life we lead down here. 

Enter, i\. v. e, Lilian. 

LiL. {comes down c). Poor thing ! If there liad been any more of it, 
you couldn't have pulled through. You may be suffering from paraly- 
sis of the brain. It's very dangerous. 

Ber. By Jove ! I hope I shall get over it. Rather hard for a felLxh 
after he has won a place not to be able to do the work of it 

Fan. You can leave it to Miss Vavasour — she will continue to coach 
you. 

LiL. {mallet in hand'). My name is Lilian, just as your is Fanny, and 
if you call me Miss Vavasour again, I will croquet you into the middle 
of next week ! Is no one going to play now 1 I must look for a pupil. 
Oh. here conies Mr. Brown ! 

Enter Bkovvn, r. u. e. 

Brown (comes down and gently refuses to have the mallet offered him by 
Fanny). Thank you, I do not understand even the alphabet of croquet. 

LiTi. Bertie has passed the examination, and now he is awaiting the 
result with confidence. I liope all my efforts with him won't end in 
smoke. That would be hard on me as his master. Now, I didn't say 
" coich " that time. 

Fan. I shall be off for home soon, and before I leave I should like a 
last look around, 

Ber. {rises lazily). If you like I'll go with you, thougli there's nothing 
I care to look at save yourself. 

LiL. Don't leave him, Fanny ! In his anxiety, he is not safe left alone. 
(laughs.) [E.vcunt Fanny and Bertie, l. v. b. 

Brown (to Lilian). I too am going to-day. 

LiL. Going away ? 

Brown. I must. My time here has passed like a dream. 

LiL, Can you not stay longer ? 

Servant enters l. 2 e pund removes croquet. 

Bbown. I am afraid not. It depends on circumstances. 
LiL. (archly). Am J one of the circumstances ] 
Brown. There is business to be done which I cannot manage down 
here. 

LiL. Bo you Hi«a< go 1 



20 KEW MEN AND OLD ACKES. 

* Brown. Yes. You see, there is a prospect of what we call dirty 
weather on 'Change. My firm is not mixed up with rash speculations, 
but all manner of ships aie shattered in a storm, and it is the duty of the 
captain to be on deck witli tlie rest at the first whistle of the tempest. 

LiL. And we have detained you here when your presence was needed 
t'.iere. 

Bkown. You see I must leave you. 

LiL. I should do tlie same if I were a man. {looks up l.) Oli ! there's 
thai foreign gentleman, Mr. Blazenbaig. 

Brown. Fishing! 

LiL. Yes. I wish papa had not given him leave. He is always fish- 
ing, but he never catches anything. 

Brown {aside). I suspect what he is after, {aloud) There he goes. 
He pretends not to see us. 

LiL. But he shan't escape, {raises her voice) Here, Mr. Blazenbaig ! 

Brown {loudly). Mr. Blazenbaig ! {in usual voice) He looks like a cat 
caught stealing cream. 

Enter, l. u. e., Blazenbaig, with fishing -pole and basket. 

Blazenbaig. Goot-morning, Miss Fafasauer ! goot-morning, Prown ! 
(^salutes.) 

LiL. Have you had much sport? What have you caught 1 (Blazen- 
baig tr^es to avoid her.) 

Brown. Ah! you have been spearing, I see 7 {points to spike at end of 
fishing -pole. ) 

Blaz. {laughs). Yah, yah ! dat ish a schpear of mine own invention — 
I stick him in der groundt und wait for a bite. 

LiL. I never see you with any fish. Is that for ground bait ? 

Blaz. {laughs). Groundt bait! Yah, das is it! it vas vor groundt 
bait, yah ! Ha, ha ! 

LiL. Let's have a look at your haul. (Blatzenbaig trie^ in evade her) 
There's a tax on minnows. Nothing under half a pound goes free. 

Blaz. {resisting). They are too schmall to be looked at ! (Lilian 
seizes basket playfiuhj) Himmel ! I must go- in der drain ! 

LiL. Go into what drain 1 

BiiAz. I must go to town I in der railway dra'n ! 

Brown. Oh! {takes basket from Lilian) HnJlo ! it is very heavy for 
small fish. (Lilian holds BLAZE^'BAIG back) I M'onder what is in ii. 1 
{Jurns contents of basket out.) 

LiL. {stoops over basket). Only weeds and stones ! not even a tittlebat ! 

Bkown {gravely). There, Mr. Blazenbaig ! {returns basket, but absently 
retains one or two of the pebbles) I didn't know you were a geologist 1 

Blaz. {fills the basket as before). A leedel, Prown, I vas look for de 
flints und kelts of der pre-hisdoric dimes — der weapons of der beeple be- 
fore der worldt! 

Brown {looking at stones). Well, the people that used such things for 
weapons must have be^n very much behind the world ! I should tiiink. 

Blaz Ach I we Germans are more gifen to study und not so mooch 
to der money-getting, to der gold^, as you Englanders are. 

LiL. Wastins; yonr time on stones, not even precious stones ! Rubbish! 

Brown. Ah! time and stones have more value than some j)eople are 
aware of. 

Blaz (suspiciously). Vat do you mean, Prown 1 

Brown. Oh, nothing ! {pockets the pebbles he picked up) Time cXiei; 
brings forth the value of stones even. 



ACl II. 



21 



Blaz. (osidc). I haf blind Uiem— llio .secret is safe — iiiiti I hi If ilei 
toiisands ! Now for der drain ! [Exil, r. 1 e. 

LiL. Poor ni.,n ! the idea of gelling so excited about specimens of the 
ground liere. 

Brown. The poor man of to-day may be the ricli man of to-morrow. 
Don't laugh al those who do anything loolish if they have good grounds 
to go on. 

Jollier, L. 1 E., Lady Mildred, tvith n shaicl u-ound round her shoulders. 

Lady M. Good news ! {imvcs a large cm-elope) Bertie has passed with 
flying colors ! 

LiL Oh, I am so gl.id. (fal-es the envelope and looks at letter within.') 

UimwN {to Lilian). I congratulate you on ilie success of your pupil. 

Lady M. Ah ! no one knows how much lie owes lo Lilian'.s pains and 
patience. 

LiL. Never mind, mamma. All I have done will be repaid by one 
favor I ask of you. 

Lady M. What's that 1 

LiL. Let me carry him the news. 

Brown. In the days of my father. I have heard him say the coach that 
bore tidings of a victory had its wheels bound with laurels. 

LiL. Good-by, mamma ! {sings) "See the conquering hero comes ! " 
{runs off L. tJ. E.) 

Lady 'SI. So ligh'.hearted ! And she is always most happy in making 
others so. 

Bkowx. An adm rable trait. 

Lady M. Siie will make an inestimable companion to the man who 
can appreciate her. 

Broavn. Thatb;ings me lo a subj xt of conversation which I wished 
to broach — I have — thai is — I beg >oiir ])ardoii, it is not very easy to ex- 
press what I want to say. AVon't you sit dnwn ? {brings chairs to c. front 
and they take seats) This may be the last time I see you, for I leave here 
to-day. 

Lady M. That is much too short a time. 

Brown. Before I go, let me thank you lor the pleasure you have given 
me in iny stiy. 

Lady M. Mutual, my dear sir. And j-our delicate kindness in one 
)mi)orianL matter puts us under great obligations to you. 

Brown. There is a w.iy of putting me in j^our debt ! 

Lady M. Indeed! how is it? 

Brown. By letting it depend on her and me alone that your daughter 
should be my wife. 

Lady M. Lilian your wife ! 

Brown. Yes. 

Lady M. It is so unexpected ! you liave taken me quite by surprise. 

Brown. Yet I do not think that it is too rash of me. I fancy I have 
soni' good rt-a-ons t(^ m.ike the offer. 

Lady M. One moment. Have you spoken to Lilian 1 

Brown. Not yet; but in .such matieis, a man may express a good 
df-al without speaking. 

Lady jM. '^seutimenlnll ,). Lilian is so much what I was at her age — so 
innncent of the harsh realities of this world — all feeling. 

Brown. I think I can see all the dispariiies of our positions — your 
daughter Lilian is a la^ly of \n^i\\. rank, ia all the bloom of youth. whi'« 
I am a sedate man of thirty-three. R uik and youth are desirab'.e (piali- 



2'Z HKV)' MV.S A.ND ol-lj ACHES 

tips in llieir way, but on tho other band — {hesitates) leally, i aou L Know 
M-bethei- I oucrbt to go on in tliis strain. 

Lady M. Nothing could be more natural and straightforward 

Brown. ] have certain social advantages — and I can give the woman 
of my choice tlie whole of a loving heart 

Lady M. I c-in perfectly believe it. 

Bkowx. I should like you to look at the matter from a pure'y business 
point of view. 

Lady M. JMy dear sir ! What mother could look at her daughter's 
mai 1 lane Irom a business point of view 1 

Lrowx. lini)ossibIe ! But supposing you could. I should wish j'our 
attention. The net profits of my firm are some fifieen thousand a year, 
and the name of Blown & Co. stands as higli as any otiier bouse. I 
have my ambition, and what I hope to attain alone, 1 ought to accom- 
plish all the sooner for having an inestimable wile by my .^ide. As for 
the mortgage I hold on the Abbey, I should consider that as an outside 
matter altogether, not to be spoken of between us ; and eff"eclmlly to re- 
move it, I should make it over to my wife on the wedding day. Come, 
I don't think you can object to me, even f oni the business point of 
view. 

Lady. You call this looking at it from a business point of viev/ ? 

BuowN. What do you call it 1 

Lady M. {rises). The most generous and noble proposition that ever 
emanated from the heart of man. 

Brown. Then I have your consent 1 {puis away the chairs.') 

Lady M. {gives Iter hand). And my best wishes. Mr. Vavasour may 
entertain obj c ions, founded on iiis repugnance to any person connected 
Willi mercant.le pursuit.^, but I don't think there will be any difficulties 
there that I cannot remove, 

Browx. Thanks. 

Lady M. You s ly you are ambitious. Then there's no reason you 
sliould remain as you are. Have you never thought of getting into 
Parliament? 

Browx. Is there any man with a head on his shoulders who has not 
had that desiie 1 

Lady M. Yes, the House is accessible to most ambitious men nowa- 
days. I think we could return you from here for about two thousand 
pounds. There is a Puriiy of Elections Party in the town, and so it 
could not be done for le s. 

Brown. Much obliged. 

Lady M. Once in the House, your advance will be rapid and unim- 
peded. Of course you will only speak on questions of 'trade and com- 
merce. 

Brown. Well, that does not come up to my idea of a member's du« 
ties. 

Lady M. That will get you talked about in the papers, and we will 
manage with our family influence to secure you the first vacancy — some- 
thing in the Board of Trade — these are always promising some new man 
with novel ideas. 

Brown. The coming man who never comes. 

Lady M. Lilian will be admirable to pieslde over your house — there's 
nothing like a lady to carry out the mining into the social division of the 
enemy, and of course you will have a house for London in the season, 
in a fashionable quarter, I will manaije that for you! 
Brown Are you not promising too much ? 

Lady ^L Dear, no ! I never take more upon my shoulders than I am 
r,ble to support, [Exit, l. 2 e. 



ACT II. i:^ 

Enter Lilian, 'jnyhj, l. u. e. 

LiL. Tliere ! I have made Bertie happy, and Fanny too. Do you 
know, I lliink they will make a match of it ] I am so glad for Bert.e's 
sake. 

Brotvn. You are thinking more of them than they are of you. Peo- 
ple ill love never have a thought of others. 

LiL. That is not my idea of love — I tliink it the most unselfish of pas- 
sions. If I were in love, I believe my gieatest happines-s would be in 
making others hippy. 

Brown. What you say emboldens me. I have something to tell you 
before I go away, (places chciir far Lilia:^ and stands beside her) Lilian — 
I beg pardon. Miss Vavasour. 

LiL. I like Lilian best ! 

Buown. Lilian, be it. I am going away to-diy, you know. 

LiL. Your stay away wont be Ioul', I hope. 

Brown. It will be lor longer than 1 wish, if you do not prevent tiiat. 

LiL. /may let you s;ay here. How can that be 1 

Brown. I wish to tell you a serious thing— the most serious thing that 
a mail can say in Irs life. I love you, Lilian ! (her business of surprise, 
pleasure, coijncss, etc.) You turn away ! Tell me I have no hope and put 
me out of my m'sery. 

LiL. (archly). Is it such misery 1 

Brown. Do you mean tluit you cm \o\e me ? 

LiL. You make me very proud and liappy ! 

Brown, (under his breath, joyfulli/). Proud and liappy! (takes her 
hand) Doh't jest with me. No, you are kind and good. You .see in 
me a m:in of years, whose capital of love has not been wasted in the 
small ciiange of flirtations. I love you, I love you much mo.e than I 
can ever say, and 1 shall do my best tlut your p.ath i,i life shall bo with- 
cnt a care. 

LiL. 1 am sure of it. 

Brown. You will be my wife ? 

LiL. Wnat more cou d [ ho[)e to bo 7 

Brown. JNIy own ! (kisses her hands.) 

LiL. (eU'lif/hted). Oii I (pause) Now, tell me, wnen did yon first begin 
to fill ill Ijve with nic ? 

Brown. The day I first taw you. 

LiL. You darling ! (/ii^se.? Brown.) 

Brown. Wlien I came down to see the property — (Lilian looks play- 
fully offeneled) I don't mean you ! and 1 heard you speak so sweetly of 
the old i)laces, the sundial and the lame peacock — an 1 when you broke 
down altogether, through your tears you showed me your lieart an I its 
worth. 

■ Lil. I tiled hard to keep them down, but I am glad I cried, now. 
Have you spoken to mamma ] 

Brown. Yes, and she has given her consent. And she has not only 
promised to speak to yo:ir failier, but she has already planned out oul- 
t.itiire. We are to live in town, and I am to be made a sort of imitatron 
nobleman and sit in Parliament. 

Lil. I like you as you are best. 

Brown. I preier to see my name at the tail of ihe Liverpool 'Change 
list ilian at tlie head of the column of fasliionable intelligence in the 
2[o'ning Post, 

LiL. (smiling). John Bull's Paradise ; or, the Snobs' Elysium, as I call it. 
Brown. It is ratlier 'ate in life for a man to dance attendance Jn a 
toiirt suit, who has grown gray in mercantile strife. 



2-4 NKW ilKX XSl) OLD ACRKS. 

LiL. I waiil to know no other workl liiau yours. 

Brown. I must warn you — you will liave a rival. 

LiL. A rival ? 

Brown. Yes, the offije ! even while I love you, I shall still stick to 
business. 

LiL. Shall I iri/ to win you away from that ? I am not afraid but that 
I shal become all you \vis:i of me. (rises ) 

Brown. My dear Lilian 1 (rises, ihey walk up and doivn during following) 
But there will be time enough for grave niatiers. Meanwhile, let us 
bask in the sun of love and liappine-s. uninteirupted by a single thought. 
{^chinge of tone to ordinary one) The e's some one coniing. 

LiL. (loolc.i up L., vexed). It is Bertie and F.mny. 

Buow.v. 0.1 the mos'. affectionate terms it would appear. 

Lii.. IIuw disgusting it IS for people to lie spoons, isn't it, dear "? 

[£xit icith Brown, very lovingly, l. 1 e. 

Enter, L. cr. E., Bertie and Fanny, coming down c. 

Ber. I wi>h th .t I had tried for the F. O.'s. 

Fan. Wiia''s ihe F. 0. ? 

Ber. The Foreign Oftice. Awful s-weils — come at one, go at four ! in- 
vited everywliPie, up to everyihi; g— but it is deuced expensive — all 
your money goe-i for gloves and eau de cologne — so that there's no use 
of my thinking of it,. 1 would like to be one of those otlier fel'ahs. 

Fan. What other fellows ? 

Ber. Tiie fellai;s in the city, who look after the what's ils n:imes — the 
gray shirtinss. " Cochineals are dull, and gray shirtings lively." 

Fan. 1 don"t cave for cociiineals, and as for gray shirtings, I don't 
even know what they are. (front.) 

Ber. (front). It must l,e rather hard on a fellah to have to record 
that " money is tight." I liave found that money is always tight, ' 

Fan. I dete>t money. 

Ber. Do you, now 1 

Fan. Yes, I have seen so much of it. 

Ber. I have not. I suppose that makes the difference. 

Fan. It causes so muc i misery. 

Ber. It has often made me feel that. 

Fan. Money is but drris'^. How much higher than the ore of gold, the 
love of art as exemplified in the Stones of Venice. I cjuld live on Rus- 
liin. 

Ber. Could you? That would come cheaper than the co-operative 
stores. I say, Fanny — I beg your pardon — does it matter if I call you 
Fanny 1 

Fan. (sentimentally). Oh, no. 

Ber. Look here, Fanny. If a fellah with only ninety a year was to 
ask you if you thousht you could marry him — what would you say ? 

Fan. Oil, what an idea! 

Ber. If I were to say so 1 

Fan. Oh, Mr. Filzurse! 

Bek. Say Bertie I 

Fan. (afec/edly). Oh, Ber-tie ! 

Ber. And that means " yes 1 " 

Fan. Ye-es. 

Ber. There's no one lookin? ! Couldn't j'ou give a fellow a kiss ? 
(embraces Fanny) Thai's awful jolly! I say, do you think your father 
will give his consent? 

Fan. I could coax him, and I think he would. 



ACT 11. 2,) 

Bek. Tell him that it's awful difficult to piss the Civil Service cxam- 
iii liw-ii; ii lakes no end of brains — and all tiiat. And you might put it 
to li 111 ili:it I may be a lord some day. 

Fa>;. a real lord. In the House — a great Radical ? Papa will be 
pleased to think of that. Dear me, if this had only happened sooner. 

I5ei:. What for? 

Fan. 1 have got lo go home to-day. 

Bek. But I can see you elsewhere. 

Fan. So you can. Won't you do me a favor 1 Pluck me one little 
modest flower. 

Ber. a flower? (yoc*' u.) Tame or wild ' 

Fan. Wild. 

Bkr. {fjels Jlou-er). A dandelion ! will that do . 

Fan. Yes. 1 will jilace it on my heart, as a sweet souvenir of the 
t'nie — the place 

Beu. And the party ! eh, Fanny? 

Fan. Oh, my beloved ! (theij embrace nffectidh/.) 

Beh. Oil, my — gve me another kiss, Fanny 1 [They exeunt, r. 1 z. 

Enter, L. 2 E., Lady Mildred and Vavasour. 

Lady M. {oje-glass rp). Isn't that Bertie and Fanny. 

Vav. Yes. By Jove, Bertie's arm is round her waist. And there, by 
George, he lias kissed hei-. 

Lady M. 'I'wice! {i<n<(//ts) Come, Marmaduke, I don't think it hardly 
fair to watch them. 

Vav. I don't sie that I shou'd let them bill and coo under the trees 
in her fathers absence, wiiile Fanny is entrusted to us. 

Lady M. Don't be alauned. 1 ai range.! it all. 1 meant her to be a 
foi. to Lilian, and come between her and Bertie. L lian's prospects must 
not be weakened. 

Vav. I see — Lilian r.nd Brown, rank nnd money— Fanny and Bertie, 
money an 1 rank. Well, well, you know best, my dear. 

Lady M. In a few tilings, 1 do; — marriago is one of (iiem. 

Vav. I will swallow the black draught — I should say, the brown one— 
"^iwt don't ask me to like it ! 

Lady .AI. While you give your blessing, your piivate oj)inion does not 
so much matter. 

Enter, l. 2 e,, Secker, xvith a handful of letters in etiveiopes, wisv.-.'.eJ. 

Ah, Mr. Secker. 

Seck. {salutes). I want Mr. Brown. Is he not here ? These letters 
are for him. {gives letters to Vavasour.) 

Vav. (looks at letters). " Important and Immediate." And they are 
three days old ! 

Seck. The lad in my office was too stupid to forward them. 

Lady M. Mr. Setker, I ask you to congratuhile n-. 

Seck. I do congratulate you. Pray, what for ? 

Lady M. Mr. Brown has pioposed lo Lilian. 

Seck. (aside). Hooked him, by Jove ! 

Lady M. Lilian was much prepossessed by him on their first interview, 
and his slay rapidly advanced him in her good opinion.' k is quite a 
love matcl). (c.) 

Vav, AfTording <o what my lady says, Mr. Brown ia a man of first. 
ratf> nhilitips. 

Lady M. And great talents. 



26 KKW MEN AND OLD ACRES. 

Vav. And considerab'e money, (r. c ) 

Seck. (l. c). I don't know of a man of more worlh or worth more — 
lie comes out right both ways. I congratulate you on him, and him on 
securing an excellent wife. 

Vav. And an inestimable mother-in-law. {goes up tvith Secker, in con- 
versation, and they exeunt r. u. e ) 

Lady JM. {aside). With the assurance that Cleve Abbey is safe from 
such people, I can meet them \\\l\\ patience. 

Enter, l. 2 e., Bontek, Mrs. Bunter and Blazenbaig, the latter re- 
maining L. 

Lady M. I am glad to see you. {shakes hands icith Mrs. Bunter.) 

Mrs. B. We have come for Fanny, and we hope you are i)leased with 
her. 

Lady ISL Yes, she has become a fast friend of Lilian's, and we shall 
alway.s see her with pleasure. 

Bun. {thawing his watch). Punctuality, mv lady, is the soul of busi- 
ness. Fanny is due home at four-thirty, aud the lime's up. 

Enter, L. 2 E., Telegraph Mes.sexgkr. Dlazexbaig takes telegram front 

him. 

Bun. What's that? (Mrs. Buxter and Lady Mildred converse up 
K. c.) 

Blaz. {to Buxter). A delegram. 

Bun. All ! that's the wust of being a public man — these things are al- 
ways following yon about. An invitaiimi to some dinner, or lo lay the 
corner-stone of :ome chapel, {gives tehgramto Blazenbaig, for him to 
open it) V/ell, what are you wailing for? {to Messenger ) 

Mess. I have another for Mr. Brown. 

Lady M. 1 am going to him. You can follow lue. (Messenger goes 
up R. c . to ivait.) 

Mrs. B. (to Lady MiLDf;F.D). IIow lovely Ihii place is close to. As 
I have said to Bunter, really 1 must have our place laid out in ruins like 
these. 

BoN. And as I have always said to yon, Maria, my dear, don't be 
ridiculous 1 

Lady M. Ah ! there are some things that money cannot buy — the 
memories lound old places, the history of old iiictures, the glories like 
these upon this groimd. Plant money, and it never will take root — 
plantaiace Ike our.«, and it lasts beyond the present day. (/o Mrs. 
Bunter) Come, my dear. 

[Exeunt Lady^ Mildred, Mrs. Bunter ami Messenger, r. u- e. 

Bun. (aside). I don't like that woman ! Sometimes I think she is in- 
sulting me, and sometimes that she is humbugging me. {aloud) Well, 
Blazy, my boy, what is it? 

Blaz. {reading tilegrnm). Hundertanseiulpoppelgeists ! 

Bun. Eh "? That's profane swearing, though in the German language. 
Don't do it again ! for I can't abide with profanity, though in a foreign 
tongue — it hurts my feelings, {c- front ) 

Blaz. (l. c- front). I vas schwearfor mine luck, und you will schwear 
also for your aoot fortune luck when you shall hear. Gi'eat failure in 
the city. The Imperial Safety Land Company liabilities over tliirty thou- 
eand pounds. Other companies agected "Vat you tink of him, cow ? 

Bun. {ehucklzng). And I sold out two days before. 



ACT II. 27 

J by"n?i;icr''"''''°"'' '""''' "^'^ yourself, but mit me. Dat 

Bl\z. Lise.i (rrn^s). 'Pa.ac ,spre ul to MancUe.sier and Livemool 
LuvMsiu:-. Bauk.u,. Associat,.m gone, SniiUi, Smill. and S.irley TJZ- 
li ■.>\va ail 1 BioLii ts hard hit, and siiaky '" "^ " 

Ba.v C^^.^^r/./) Whar, Bfown ! Brow.,! That's the Brown who^. down 
!"• m'to 'St '"' '■'"= '''' ^'"P^''^^- '^"^' ^^^«-'« ^ cJ^ce ;;o^; 

Bl\z Siy we, mine fiien'. 

B;.\- W'i] 

Bc.v. Wait are vou wriiinrr > 

Mn^;?C.HinJ;::r!*" "^'^"^ ^'«^« Abbey Coal end Hematite Iron 

Bu.v. A 111 iwaiiicrf.it est le 

Bl\z, 1 iinineiise coal-lieiils (w,t(cs) 

Bu.v. W.th iuex'iiustilile .sLores (,t iro I with railw.v on 1 o i r •,- 
ties within easy dis aiic>. - ^"'' ' ^"^'^ '^acih- 

Blaz. ilas , ! H,.re gonies Prown ! (he awl Buxieh converse l.) 
Eder, u. u. K., Brown, i«,y tw'i/i o^,;^ letters in his hands 

In?.''s:,^i;rr;^!;;,:^a,/f.^,:^'l^rler ,"■;■'" i'™';,' "-h" 

An 1 I WIS so hao')v lier . I Ti,.; 1 ■ . ' liy tostem the tide. 

i-,tot Ti "'iPt'y "•^i'^'! iiiat di-eams over now Too latet inc. 

Blaz. {aside to BavTFn^ Now k \-Jr A- ' """f''-" ^° >''^^' ' 
money-aUtai.ede"not',yo7him! ^■'"^- ^'O" -Ivance him tho 

Bg>f. («^;n^). X see. 
Blaz (.,.,;«#). Fafdsinr gannot bny, nnd de Ian It is vnnr<: 

Btjx. [ f,.e! f ,r you. You have mv Cher-ristian sympathv ' 
B.owv It a,nt sympathy we need now, but theiead^nLey . 
^^ L. J. D .n . n.ock at moral snpi>ort, „>y brotiter. Hoi mt'll do vou 

Buowy {douhfwghi^. Will von help me? 
Ba.v. How much do y,,u want' 
Btow.v. Thirty or foi'ty thousand. 

JiROwx. As secdrily 1 

Bus. No ! I u^vevin,d~l buy. Forlv tlmu-an ] ? 
-b.-^ow-v. Irs a dead loss of five thousand ' ^\^^ 1,,-,,., 
c'.....ers Drowning men will catch~aws. ' • T^n^.T ""' '' 

A-^'iTa-n're'" " "''' T'-^'' "^' ''''■'■^- -'^ «-"J action never lost 
tion ! {rolls his n/ei iipwrrd.i ) ^""o.iau in ^mic- 

b^no^;:;t,^rnt^:^mJ^woS<;:;^:i,r' vr ^r r "^■•' -ir-'- 

With me to Mr. Seeker, ho fvi-l givl\ •I;^!^'^^.;:,,^,^"^-^ wtU come 

r^xl/, R. V. E. BlAZE.N-BAIG <70<;3 up C. ^fo m< R. p. jj. 



2g JTKW iIK>' AMJ o:-D ACK^S. 

Bun- All. my f.iena. tho cunsulatiou of having doi.e a good aclion and 

"tl' 'Oi a:e^S^'^^ have cleared live thousand. Ah, de.e i. no 
one but d3 Gh.i.sLian wuo can gel de inlerest h.e de 'i^^^^.^^ ^^ ^ ^_ 

^w^sr, K. 1 E., Lady Mildred. 

Lady M. Fanny will be here presently with her mother 
Bon. Thal'sjust the liiin? thai ^veighs u;,on my earl! I can t under- 
stand Fanny. It's verv liard when a lather can't understand his owe 
c did. She's had the t'.p of edicatien, and all the h elevating influences 
that money could buy, ami she do.s nothing but talk o igh art, and 
Mgh cl'urch, an I 'i^h this and that-tiU she gels so 'igh that she never 

""""lIdy M'V'lcV.'f^wO- Yes. Fumy is a little given to rhodomontade. 

Bun (c.'/ro«n.- Rhodomont.de'! (p'^rcK^ Ye-es, rhodomontade- 
thal's the word my lady! And she, who could have eve.yUung new 
Smade to order? runs' after the old. Old pictures, old statues oM 
n-.ins-why, she is almost as bad as her mother about wishing ot a pl.ce 
like t>ds. In fact, they have so h'influenzaed me that I shouldn t mind 
bnying it mvself. 

Lady M. Unfortunately, it is not in the market. 

Bun. Hem! odder things than tha, h.'^ve happened B.ess you, ij 
could all be settled private y-a.ul Clevo Abbey would be in new hand^ 
before -you knew yourself. 

LadyM. (/q/-/////). Mr. Bunter! In f.-t aU 'ha 

BcjN. Ah, you and I know what we know, my lads. In idot al^ Ji« 

'"lady^Sl 'AlT^.e county may know that Mr. Vavasour, I confess bas 
been in trifling difficuUies, but I have the V^^^'^'f ^o ^<^^^;^^!^ 
or.unty that they are over. Mr. Brown has proposed for my d,.u-htei 3 

'"bun. Brown marry her to Fave the estate ? {ckudles) Poor K.cwn '. 

Lady M. What do vou mean 1 ^ „ j, r. 

Bun Th.t Brown hasn't a brown {En^U^h for red,- copper, 
'^ penny r in American sling) left lo bless hiins.lf with. Bro-Y'r Brothers 
have gone up ! to snvisii ! , r ■, . a , a 

Lady M Mr. Brown is a rich man ! I do rot urderstand. 

Bun I d ire sav he will have to p irt wi.h the Oleve Al.h.y niortaaae 
I sur^pose vouVl ra'her not that a stranger should como ,r.io U, s-. d-.n t 
forcret that I wor.Mu'r mind making you an offer. 

Lady M. You mu'^t bemad or intoxicated ! ^ 

Bun Madam, I neve:' drink anything a ore dmner. \tiii, l. -. k. 

L^dyM {alone) AVhat a gulf I had nearly fallen ir.lo. Brown is not 
a rich man now. Uoalks up and down excitedly) At any price, Lilian s 
chances must be kept open. 

Enter BnowN, n. u. e. 

Ah Mr. Brown, I wanted to sro you. I hope you have not had bad 
iiew^ in the loiters which you h.ivc received 1 

BuowN (II. c. fronts. The worst, my lady. I am ruined. 

BROwN.Yes', i:i tn S3 davs ot rasn speculation, tho innocent must 
Buffr w.tli the ruiltv. Hard linos, bard lines 1 
Lady M. Very hard. 



ACi III. 29 

Browx. When I proposed to your dauslite;-, I \va^ a ric'i man. Now 
I have lost — you do not know all I have lust. J tlout, coaipUiiii for that 
— but I cannot easily lose Lilian. 

Lady M. I sympathize with you. I shall always have great respect 
for you. {gives her hcntd) Will you break it to he ■, or shall I 1 I think 
from you it would come be4. 

Bkown. It's a hard trial, but I will go t irough it. {Exit Lady Mil- 
DnED, L. 1. E.) Yet h :)w sha 1 I lace her, and cast a cloud upon her 
bright face — upon her bright heart. God bless her. (r. c. front.) 

Enter, K. u. £., Lilian. 

LiL. {(jay'y). Fanny is going away, but she is happy with Bertie. You 
are going awa}', and I shall have no one to be liappy with. Ho\s sad 
you look ! what has occurred to distres.s you 1 (puts her arms on Brown's 
(iJfectioHateli/.) 

Brown. Will you forgive me 1 What will you thi;]k of me when you 
find I am not now what I was some hours since? Lilian, 1 am ruined 
man. 

LiL. {sohereel from her liveliness^. AVhat do you mean ] 

Bkdw.v. ]My house has gone down among the wrecks by speculations. 
It is throu ih no fault of m ne ! 

LiL. I should think not! {emhrae s hi,)i.) 

Brown. 1 sliall save the fiagJm'nts, but, at a heavy sacrifice. Anyliow 
I must begin the world anew. To make a way in the New AVorld, a 
soldier must have but his wo.ipoii'^, a man no enctmibrances. What i.s 
your answer 1 

LiL. {tearfully'). Must I answer 1 

Brown. Yes, it is for yo i lo decide. L t your whole heart speak. 

LiL. What can I do ? i camiui, 1 cannot. 

Enter, r. u e., Lady ^Iildred, w'io overhears the followivg. 

Brown. Good-by ! (takes Lilian's hand) Tniiik of me sometimes — 
for I shall think of you always, 

LiL. Stay! (Brown returns to her, but she sichlenly repa'ses him, half 
fainting) Oh, manana ! mamma! {sobs, and Brow }i eatches her as she falls 
exhausted.) 

Picture. 

For change of tableau, Lilian t« supported in a swoon by Lady Mildred, 
at c. front, while Brown is standing up c , as if to exit K. u. e. 

SLOW CURTAIN. 



ACT IIL 

SCENE. — Drawing-room in \th grooves. 

Discover at l. table, Bunter and Secker, over tcine, nuts and xvine-crackers. 

Seck. {after sipping wine). I never tasted anytliin: more deliiihtfnl. 
Bun. Yes, it's worth the money. It s'ands ni'in fifteen guineas a 
dozen, but for a good thing I don't mind expei>se. 



so NEW M.KK AM) OLD ACKilS. 

Seck. Admirable doctrine, and w'ne. 

BcJN. Well, you know, Brown he.d the mortgage on Cleve Abbey, and 
sold It to me. It was a pretty good investment for cash, and as my 
wife has her heart set on it 1 dun't mind if I niake an offer. I'll give ' 
eighty thousand down. You rep?at this to the parties concerned, who 
v.- 11 find It a liberal offer, nnd 1 have no doubt that you will find a fifty 
pun note under your plate the next tune you put your legs under 
U Mij.imin Banter's mahogr.ny. 

Seck. Really, you great capitalists have ways 

Bqn. And means ! With ways and means, and Cher-risti?.n principles, 
a man need slick, nowhere on the road. 

Seck. You evidently sticK at nothing. Has Mr. Brown been here 
yat] 

Bun. I expect him this morning to talk over our settlement. By the 
w^y tell them that we can do it all in a sociable mann.-r — I don't like 
to be hampered witii lawyers 

Seck. {drily). O'n, you do not want lawyers about you. 

Bun. I think I may consider the trarsaclion settled, {rmes.) 

Seck. {rises). I have no doubt that everything will be arranged to 
the satisfaction of the principals concerned 

lius. Keep dark on our understanding. 

SiiCK. Oh, I certainly ;.m not eager to show light upon it. 

[Exit, L. 1 E. D. 

Bun. I fancy my risht to C!eve Abbey is as good as the Vavasours. 
Whit pleasure to lej^ay them for their haugiitiness to me. They pretend 
to look down on B. B., but B. B. is loo big to be frowned down. 

Bnter, l 1 e. , Blazenbaig, icith papers and a black leather lag, xohich he 
puts on chair. 

Bun Back from town, Blazen 1 

Blaz I've got the analysis of ihe Cleve Ab'oey ore. 

Bun. What does the piofe-sor think of it .' 

Blaz. Beuuifal! He's found seventy-five per cent, of iron — ten 
more than I expected. 1 liave 1 ad the map drawn out by a regular 
mining drauglilsinan. {shows map ai,d piper) Dere is hundied-i und 
luinlieds in the broberty, you vas see. 

Bun. {chliglit(d). I wouldn't sell the estate for twice whr.t I have of- 
feie I this moment. 

Blaz Quite rislit (Bunter fries to talc map and paper) It's all right. 
Keep vour hands off. 

Bun. What? 

Blaz Der aralysis nnd map are mine. 

Bun. Do you held off' fur trrms ^ (u. c.) 

Blaz. (c. ). Terms] Yah! L>er t bles was turn himself now. Yoa 
uiid 1 was not sht nd in cat siime bosition vat \e did :^hoost now a 
leedle while zince. 

Bun. at er the many good thmgs we hnve been together in 1 

Blaz Ah I dein vas <ler boobies — but dis vas no bin ble. Dis is ein 
gooi, so'id pudding, and {cmpathtcally) I vanls meine schlice, 

iiu's. D ) yon remember wiiat you were when I first know you ] 

Blaz. D > you remember vat y-a vas ven I Jm'st took y<-u in < er 
liandt ! und d tn^lit you to make tonsands ? You vas a leedle, low, 
craw \\\a ^ontraulo' — mit no sonl abut ji ule vorce or der figures of 
weekly wages to d r workinsman. I dau^ht yon der philosopher' stone 
— der ait vat ffansvoim balder into goLI — speculation.'' I daught you 
vmanzeering, und dey vill piid you cin grandt biaiuc \ on day — all py me. 



ACT III. 34 

Vile you hat de leedle visch to fry — I dakes vat share you '^ii me — but, 
dis ish no sprat, but a vale, und I von't pe content mit only da blubber! 

Bpn. You can rely on me, you know. 

Blaz. I rely on niein ownself. If 3'ou will not agree, I do not gave. 
I can go into der nrirket mein ownself — dere are lots of gapitalists who 
vill outpid you by five tousai;ds. I haf der map, und de analysis. 

Bun. This is verj'^ sad, Blazy, my friend ; I did not think that you 
weie capable of so much mistrust. It strikes a deathblow at all con- 
lidence between man and man. {tries to i(xke map and paper uguin.) 

Blaz. I will keep them. 

Bun. What do you want ? 

Blaz. Two tousand bounds down, and half of all der profits. 

Bun. But the pu' chase money and all the preliminary expenses will 
have to come out of me ? 

Blaz. I vill oicc you half! 

Bun. This is cutting to the 'art. But I have not seen the analysis. 

Blaz. Confidence petween man und man ! (holds papers from Bvnter) 
I vill show you the table, (lets Bunter see part of the paper, but no more) 
Nein, nein ! 

Bun. Oil! how can you be so — {ffoes to table, l.) It is disgusting! 
Not because of the money, but of the want of trust in an old friend. 
{seated at table.) 

Blaz. Drust! Do you dink I vould drust mein own bruder unless he 
baid me in atvance — nein, nein ! 

Bun. {writes). Here is the check. 

Blaz. {takes check). Thank you. {reads) " P.iy — Blazenbaig— two 
thousand — " All right, {gets his bag) Now I vill geep cut of de way. I 
haf de wish to geep mein handts glean [EiU, l. 1 e. d. 

Bun. Then give me back my check ! {aside) Of all tlie I'ascals that I 
ever knew 

Enter, L. 1 E. D., FoOTMAN. 

Well, sir, what do you want ? 

Footman. Mr. Tollit, Clerk of Works, sir. 
Bun. Show him in. 

Exit Footman and enter Tollit, l. 1 E. T>. 

Bun. How do, Tollit! how's Mrs. T. ? not ill, I hope. I did not see 
her at chapel last night. 

Cleuk. Well, you sec, sir, she was off to a little party upon the anni- 
versary of my darter's gitting married, and she thought she might excuse 
herself once in a year. 

Bun. I am very sorry. A neglect of Christian principles is not the 
way to prosper a young family. Well, wiiat's on your mind now 1 

Clerk. A lot of bricks that's turned out bad, sir. 

Bun. Can't be sold? 

Cleuk. No, s r. 

Bun. Cni't be used? 

Clerk. No, sir. 

Bun. {lu'sdaiinghj). What can we do with them"? Oh, they are 
building a chapel down at the East End. Take those bricks to the Com- 
mittee from nie, with my blessing on the good woik. 

Cleuk (aside). With bad bricks ? 

Bun. Thus nothing is without its use, \shen one is guided by Cher- 
nstiau principles. [ExU Clerk, l. 1 e. n. 



851 NEW MKK AKD OLD ACRES. 

Elder, b. 2 e. opening, Mrs. Bukter. 

Mrs. B0NTER {ftmrishing roll of parchment). They've found it' 

Bun. Wliat ? The ten-pun' note you lost the other day 1 

Mrs. B. Our pedigree f.om Heralds College ! 

Bun. {seated at l. table). Hernlds ! Nonsense J 

Mrs. 13. The Vavasouis .shan't have everythiuk to themselves. Do 
look at it -it's a perfect duck of a pedigree. 

Bun. Duckl {gnimbiingly) And I'll wager it brings its bill v/ith it. 

Mr.y. 3. A bagatelle. 

BcN. How much .'' 

Mrs. B. On!y one hundred and thirty pounds. 

Bun. 1 have just liad my pocket picked of two thousand pounds, and 
now I am to be robbed of .i hundred and thirty! Am 1 to pay for a 
pack of .stuff and falsehoods 1 

Mrs. B. I am so gLid that they hava found our arnas. 

Bun. And I have louud iheir hands in my jiockets ! 

Mrs. B. Just hear a bit of it. {rends) " Tiie family of Bunter is of 
Anglo-Saxon origin, and carna from Exeter." 

Bun. Now, how did they find that out, I wonder 1 Well, as I have 
fiot to pay for it, I suppose 1 may as well look at it. {takes paper from 
Mrs. Bunter.) 

]Mrs. B. Ain't it lovelv ! 

Bun. ■• The family of Bunter is of Anglo-Saxon origin, and were 
tenan s of the S(jil before ti.e Conqueror came ovei', who confiscated their 
l)ossessi'ns.'' You see, Mara, my dear, the aiistoc:ats were do\\n on us 
even in ttiem days. " We have no doubt that they ottered a .siubboin re» 
s-is'.anc3 to the inv.ider." I am glad of that? '■ Tliey weie not promi- 
nent during the perilous limes of the War of the Roses." 01:, indeed ! 
they have only to soj which side was ui'peimost to find wheie they 
were, " .^nd do not iippe.ir again uutd the days of tlie Protector, whin 
we find one P.aywell Bunler the parish constable of Wrexhdl." Ah ! 
]\Iaria. wq ijavi^ cuie clown by then ! " Under the reign of tie thiee 
G'oi;,e^, Miey d.d not < ccupy any position of i)nblic prominence.'' 

jMrs. B. Skip that ! what does ic sa}' about you, dear 7 

Bun. (reads wtth grooving debght). '■ We do not l.ear of the name nn> 
-til ti 3 ,".,'ys of the pre.se;;t bearer ( f the title, th .t illusliations dtsiener 
and co!it,ractov, Benjamin Bunter, Esq, of Beaumam ir Paik, who is so 
oiler, mentioned in conneciion with great public woiks, not only in ihe 
United Kingdom liut tiu-oughout the world, who is ihe pen vi thatemi- 
ent divine, the Uov. Bo.nnei-es Bunter, of Ball's Pond, Islington." Ah! 
that's most delicately nut! 

Mrs. B. You don't begrudge the money now, do you 1 

Bun. N-no! I wonder how tliey found it all (/ut. 

Mrs. B. And al! the pretty jiiciures, with aHnioiids and spades, for 
all the woild like a pack of pi:iyin:Z-cards. 

Bun. Well.it I accept it, it's not for myself. Dear no! hut for the 
sake of my father 1 Oh I Low he wou'd have ben dehuhled to have 
se?n this, whether when lie sat ii the coal and later shed during lie 
week days, or stood in tl.e nulpit on the Lord's Day— else, :;11 this is 
v,)niiy. 

Mrs B. Now we won'i !>> crowed ower by Ladv Mildred. 

Bun. Tlie impudence of the wonnn. Slie has driven over, with Imr 
dauahter, in tiie pony-carriaae, just a^ if nothing was going to happen 
to take away their i)ossession of ife Abb- y. 

M(.s B. What do you say abuut the sweetness leiwe-nher nephew 
and Fanny 1 



ACT III. 33 

Bdn It's not to be thoiiglil of. The young fellow liasn't got a rap. 

Mks. B. But lie may be a lord someday. Suppose the expected child 
shoul I be a 4'irl 

BaN. It may jii t as well be a bov. But I have prepared for that. I 
have bribed the doctor's confidential ni.ii, and he will telegraph to me 
if it is a girl. And, according to the ideas, the little event will not be 
Ions coming oft'. 

Mrs. B. Well, I'll go and show my lady my bignonias. A-d I will 
tell Fanny that I am not sure but that she will yet fin^l a husband in 
Bertie [Exit, r. 2 e. 

E/ifer, L. 1 E. D., Telegraph Messeugkr. 

Mess. A tidetrram, sir. 

Bu.v. {t ikes t cleg rum. Aside'). WhnfslK]^! {reads paper) " You are not 
to give giam ties to the bearer." I was not soing to. (exit Messenger, 
L. 1 E. D ) It's from the doctor's man, " Mrs. Rpginald Fitzurse of twins ! " 
{alarmed) No, no ; girls ! [re-assured) All ! The speculation looks bet- 
ter now I Lord Bearholm ! Ahem ! The next thing to being a lord 
one's self is being the father of one. 

Elder, u. 2 E , Lady Mildred, Lilian, Fanny, and Mrs. Bunter.* 

Lady M. {with ege-gluss up). Ah ! oh I vei'v gorgeous indeed ! There 
is suci an air of brightness and gloss of newness on each article that 
after tiie dulness of the Abbey, I am quite dazzled. 

Mrs. B. Oil, if it wasn't for me, Bunter would have a new coat of 
paint put upoa everything once a year. 

Ladv M. Including the pictures? 

Mrs. B Ain't they lovely ! That one in the corner is a real Raffle 

Lady M. Ah ! icon at one ? 

Fan. {10 Lilian). How do you like it1 

LiL. {lo Fanny). All ! it is much too bright for my tastes. 

Fan. S) do I like the cold giay of ancestral ruins, too. («/j^ uw^ Lilian 
converse lo'/elher up l.) 

Mrs B. And the statufs — aren't they fine 

Lady M. Aie they also portraits of the family 1 

Bun. {aside). These aristocrats have no taste for h'Art ! {aloud Joftily) 
You see, my lady, we have to patronize the aitists like the Merchant 
Princes of Florence and Venice. Bless you, lor a real goo I thing, I 
don't mind paying any pr ce. That's a fine bit of «//y-/t^;--rt-«^-<!Ufir there 
—its by a R. A. 

Lady .M Bv a — I bes your paidon? 

Bun By a R. A. — a R'yal Academician ! {aside) What a damned fool 
thi< woman is ! 

Mrs. B. We are sure to jjpt the tip-toji cream of everything. Just 
look at the garden — chockfull of aviaries and stucco, and conservatories 
— all done by contract. 

Lady .M. Are the st itnes done b)' contract too? And ihes'.-. {looking 
about) aiv the family portraits — uf what time ? I lancy I recognize some 
old friends. 

Mrs. B. Oh, dear, ro. Thfy are al! bran-new! 

Lady M. Yet I fancied I Inid seen them before — in the vicinity of the 
New Road Ah ! some Sav.es and Dresden — are you so fond of bric-a- 
brae. Mr. Bunter? 

* L.\Dy Mildred. * Mks. B. * Bunter. F.^nny. * Lilian, 

E. 11. c. c. L. c. L. 



d4 XEW MF.X AM) OIJi ACHES. 

BtTN. {puzzled, t'sidc). Break a b.ick \ The woman's crazed — there 
aiii'i enou<jh of tlie cliina to load a boj". (aloud) Ye^, yes, I've a likin:^ 
lor stones and thiiij^s 

Mrs. B. If lliey are old. Dear, yrs, 1 coulJ diiuk cheap tea if it was 
out of a gefiuir.e old chany bowl. 

Bun. Maria, don't be ridiculous! 

Lady M. Why do you call this place Beaumanoir Paru — why not 
Bunler House ? 

Mrs- B. It's not sufficiently high-sounding— Beiuraanoir Park has 
such a ring of aristocracy about it. 

Lady M. And does not sufficiently indicate the owners. 

[Exit, K. 2 K., with Mrs. Bdxtek. 

Bun. (nside). Siie's a-having some sneer at me. Dreadful envioi'.s 
these swells aie. {exit, l. 1 e. d. Lilian nnd Fanny cone down c, Fan- 
ny on Lilians right.) 

LiL. No, dear, this is all too bright for me, and there's such a new 
look on all the furniture that I should never think of sitting down any- 
wiiere for a quiet read of Tennyson. 

Fan. Ah ! you shall see my oratory — all hung wiih bl ick, and wiih 
such a pet of a death-head, in ivoiy. You must come over some day, 
and we will condole in it together. 

LiL. 1 am not addicted to that sort of thing. I am much too light- 
hearied for that. 

Fan. Ah, you should mortify yourself. Live on dry bread and watei* 
for a week. That will reduce you u> a state of sweet despondency. 

LiL. {lightly). I am afraid I should rola]>se into hot coliee and rolls ou 
the slightest provocation. I have an awfid a[)pelite as well as a very 
light heart. And yet {sadly) 1 have more reason than you to be sad. 

Fan. That is because you do not see Mr. Brown. 

LiL. And so it is with you and Bertie. By the way, shall I give hira 
your love when I see him ? 

Fan. {laughing). Thank you, I can give it myself. 1 see him every 
day. (Lilian ts surprised.) 

Elder, R., Brown. 

Ltl. And I do not know when I my see him. 

Fan. {seeing .Brown). But I do. 

LiL. When ] 

Fan. Now! {'Qnoviia comes foricard ) 

LiL. Mr. Brown .' 

Brown. I have come to >ee Mr. Bunter on business, 

( Voice of Mrs. Bunter, off r ). Fanny ! 

Fan. Ye^i, mamma ! 

( Voice of Mes. B , same). Fanny ! 

Fan. Cominir, mamma ! 

Lir,. .M.r. Brown l.eie ? 

Fan..1 will see that you are not disturbed ! [Exit, r. 2 E. 

LiL. Mamn.a is here and I am With hei'. Do not look so cold. Have 
Von lost iiope .' Have you no good news 1 

Briiwn. I have lost every tiling else, at lea't. It was a hard s'rusistle. 
but we pulled liirou2h. It was an awful three weeks. I wonder th it 
every hair on my head has not turned gray. 

LiL. Don't laugh i {at c, beside Brown) You have come out with 
honor. I know. Trust to the future. 

Brown. 1 had a future once. But that is all over. I shall not disar- 
range your family i)lans. Better tor us to say the last good-by. 



ACT III. 35 

(Voice of ^tlRiS. BcNTER, IX.). Miss V.ivas ur. 

LiL. I must spe;ik witli you. 

( Voice of Lady Mildred, oJ' it.). Lilian ! 

LiL. {calls off u.). 1 t.ia coming, luaiam.i ! {lo Biiowx) S r.y liere till I 
com?. [Exit, u. 2 E. 

Browx. All ! how t!)e sislit of her warms llie hlood a^aia. To leave 
Englanl lorevei' can be fluiie— but, to leave Lilian! All! { pause, looks 
R.) Here comes tiiat snob ! I can't face tiim now. 

[Exit, hiirricdli/, h. 1 E. D. 

Enter, r. 2 E., Edxter and Fanny, to c, Faxxy on his right. 

Bun. Wiiy are you sulking all the lime just like a girl refused a new 
doll 1 You kinw 1 don't spare any money t > graiify j'our silly whims. 
Cheer np ami don't look like a mise.'s ghost, who's been robbed of his 
lioard 

Fan. {sentimentally). Don't ask me, father to veil with smiles a break- 
ing heart ! 

Bun. Be calm I 

Fan. Calm] i hysterically) Who speaks of calm 1 "If any calm be 
there, it is a calm despair ! " 

Bun Pooh, pooh ! come, come, none of this nonsense ! Try and be 
reasonable. Has this Mr. Fi zurse a position V 

Fan. 1 never thought of thai. 

Bun. I'll le bona i 3 on d dn"t. 

Fan. Oh, pipa! That's no fault 01 liis. He's very handsome, and 
excellent in dancin£,. 

J>CN. That's not the kind of figures T want h:in lo be clever at. 

Fan. Oh ! c ever ! he has pas ed the Civil S-^rviee Examination ! 

Bun. [shakiny his hid, I). Hum. I dun't know about that. I never 
pissed one myselt, so I don't know what it is 10 pass. Well, well, just 
notice the time, my dear. 

Fan. {looks rotai I) Yes, [)apa. 

Bun. (iisule). They'll imer t^.ink that I had a telegram widi the news 
before liie regular intelligence comes, {aloud) It is the hour of your hap- 
piness, for 1 dare s..y my t.hject.oiis .0 the young man wi.l be sliortly 
removed. 

Fan. Oh, papa! {kisses hiin cffcctcdly) Bless you! very much bless 
you. 

Bun. {kisH's her). Ditto! very muc'i ditt(j ! 

Fan. Ditto % what do you Uiean, pai)a >. {siirprisea 

Bun. Bless you. 

Fan. Oh ! {satisfied.) 

Bun. And the sooner J see the yoitng m:n, t!ie soone •, I sii;ipose, you 
will bj your^tlt aiiain. 

Fan. That won't be loi'g, papa ! {yoes up c. andivavcs Iter hand'.crchief 
at D F. ) 

Bux. V/liat's that for ? 

Fax For Bertie ! 

Bfx. What 1 is lie theie in my garden on t'ne lookotitl Do you mean 
lo say th s !-o;t of ihing uinld hav,? gone on if I ha I not gven my coii- 
^ei.t.' 

Fan. Yes. ])apa. {comes dow/.) 

Bux. And dt> \on call this li luoiing of your father and your m.^ther, 
by candltstine meetings 1 « 

Fan. Is it not the best way of lion uiiig one's fuher and mother to 
give them so good a son-in-law 1 



3C 



KEY.' MEX AND OLD ACKKS. 



BtjJT. But, lioAv ^,boul his principles of pieiy ! 

Fan, 1 will leacli liim, and guide liim to ilie simple dociriues of the 
Early <Jhurcl!. 

Bun. Oh ! {doultftd'y) I hope he will like them ! 

Fan. You iiave male me so glad. I will go to mamma. When he 
comes you must tieai him kindiy. {uside, going k.) F.tuuy Bunler— Mis. 
Bertie FiLzurse— " Plenty of cards 1 " [Exit, r. 2 e. 

Enter, rimnivg, Bektie, d. f. He comes dotcn l. side. 

Ber. (surprised to sec Bvsteb.). ThegOYemOr! (stuniiners) I didn't ex- 
pect to see t/oii here ! 

Bun. {aside). After all the edicaticni that girl's got! (uload) M". 
Fiizui'.se, I understand that you wish to pay your addresses to my 
dauJiiLei-. There aie no ohjecnons to that, in this quarter. 

Ber. We'd, I w'sh I liad known that before. It ain't pleasant to wait 
under tiie oak WVe (liesitates) Charles the — the Twelfth! it's d^ured 
uncomfortable and damp, waiting to see {waves Ms handkercliief asY ksihy 
waved hcrs.) one to eo:ue — two to go. 

Enter Servant, l. 1 e. d. 

Servant. Mr Brown, sir, by ;•,) pointment. 

Bun. You can go to join the ladies. (Fitzurse bows and runs off vl. 2 e.) 

Enter, L. 1 E. D., Brown. 

Bun. All! Mr. Brown! You have had an early journey. Will you 
take some breakfast ! (Brown nods. Dunter to Servant) Montmorency! 

Servant. Sirl 

Bun. Get biedkfast ready for ]\Ir. Brown. (Servant hows and exits 
L. 1 E. D.) 

Brown takes papers from his lag, and he and Buntek go over them at table, 

1,. front. 

Brown. There is the foity thousand pounds you lent me — that s five 
thousand at least that I have paid for the transaction. 

Bun. Hum ! I don't know. I could have had ten per cent, for my 
money in those times. 

Brown. Will you sell me lack the mortgage on the Vavasour Estate"? 
If so, what is the figure ? 

Bun. a sale is a sale, and I never go from my principles. 

Brown. But the family is embarrassed, and the deeds are nothing 
l)ut paper. 

Bun. I don't look at it to expect my money to come out of the estate. 
I buy because I like it, so I don't mind giving a fancy price. 

Brown {s-mihng to himself). So you mean to buy ? 

Bun. Yes — a piivae sale by arrangement between the parties won't 
hurt ;h, ir feelings. Tiie iilace is much loo gloomy for me, and I am not 
fond of .Vbbays, but Mrs. Bunter likes ruins, and she generally has her 
wish. 

Enter, l. 1 e. d., Blazenbaig 

Ah, Blazy, my boy ! {to Brown ogain)^ So, after all, you see, Mr. Brown, 
I haven't really lost anything by obliging a friend. 
Blaz. Ah ! how are you, Prowij ? 



Brown. Ah, my friend, do you si. 11 give your lelbUie to lisliing and 
geology ■? 

Blaz. Yali, fishing is a fine thing for de stone.s. (l. c.) 

Brown {meaningly). Some people do not know the value of stones. 

Blaz. {sharply). Vat do you mean 1 

BkowiJ. Do you lemeniLer the morning at tlie Abbe}% wht^n Miss 
Vavasour and 1 stopped you, and we turned the stones out of the basket 1 
I kept a coap'e of those stones. 

Blaz. Vai for 1 

Bkown. Oh, merely out of s'mp'e curiosity. They were knocking 
about my office when a friend of imne, who is also fond of fishing and 
geoloay, suggested that I should have tliem analyzed. 

Blaz. But, you were not sooch a fool for to do that 1 

BnowN. But I was such a fool. (Bu.nteu comes down k. c, interested) 

Blaz. And you found not'ing in de mare's nest ? 

Brown. I found that ihe land is full of oie, giving seventy-fi\e ;;<?/ 
<eiit. of iron (shows paper) There's the analys s. 

Bun. Pooh, i)ooh ! I don't want to see it! 

Blaz. Oh, an analysis is goot for not' ng hut to lijliL der cigar. 

Bun. I don't cars for scientific o[)inion. 1 ca.i liuy 'em for a guinea 
a-piece ^ny day. {he takes the pnpir from Bkowx, (.nU he and Blazenbaig 
look at it.) 

Brown. So you still mean to buy ? 

Bun. All the same, though tliis is some mistake. 

Brown. There's no mistake, (o Bunter) I'll trouble you for that 
analy si <. ' tnkct paper. ) 

Bun. Come, Mr. Brown, we'll do the right thing by you. If you will 
str.nd halt the purchase money, you shall liave a clear third of the profits. 

Blaz. Nein, nein, we vill schare und schare alike ! 

Brown. Impossible. Though a veiy temp ing otter, 

BtJN. Yes, take the terms and ray blessing with it. 

Brown. If anybody is to share, I should think the Vavasours should 
be let in. 

Bun. Pshaw! what is it to them 1 There is no reservation made in 
the mortgage of mineral rights. 

Brown. There may be no legal claims of theirs, but surely, between 
gentlemen 

Bun. What's that got to do with us ? I am very well satisfied with 
the law. I don't waat to put nonsense in the place of business. 

Brown. That would be sinful ! It is such reasonings as these that 
has made the name of British merchants a by-word, and made British 
industry stand still in the pillory with the brand of speculation on its 
foreiiead ! 

Bun. I had great respect for you, Mr. Brown, but your sentiments 
amaze me — they are not such as beseem the mui of business. 

Enter Servant, l. 1 e. d., with tray of hreakfai^t things 

Servant. Mr. Brown, breakfast, sir. (l ) 

Bun. Tiike it into the breakfast-room. iMontmorencj', you need not 
wait, [exit Servant, L. 8 e. n., ('o Buow.v) Honor b.ight, you won't 
mention the find to the Vavascuis 1 

Brown. I will not. I leave you to reconcile your practice cf pious 
principles with your jirofessions. 

[E.vit, L. 3 E. D. Blazenbaig goes up and locks h. 3 e, d. 

Bun. What's that fori 



^° NEW ii;;>; a.ni; ui.i; acuks. 

Blaz. I vill muke liim .<ale. (Buntkr /<des s<oi at i,. table and hides 
his face m one hand) Vat is fie madder ? can it pe that you vas plushinc^ ? 
Bun. I thought once as Brown did. 
Blaz Put you hat t'ought petter of it no-.v. 

Enter, K. 2 E., Lady Mildred and Lilian, 

Lady Mildred. Ah, Mr. Banter ! I have been admirino- the many 
beauties of your lovely place. ° 

Bun. {aside). The hypocrite ! who'd think sha had a heavy mort-a"e 
hanging over her head 1 ^ = o 

Lady M. Here comes our legal adviser. 

Enter, r. 2 e., Secker afid Vavasour. 

Vavasour i^nMmg h,s hands cheerily). A nice, brisk, hearty mornincr 
(All^o to talk, L.) > J ». 

Bun. {taking seat). Mr. Secker has told you of the offer I have made 
for Cleve Abbey ] 

Vav. Yes. Very liberal, I tliink. 

Bun. I don't think we shall want the lawyers in. It only adds to the 
exi)ense.s (<o Secker) No otf-nce, of course / (Secker smiles and bows ] 

Lady M. Oh, no! then every parasraph is a guinea, and everv sen- 
. fence six and-eightpenc . It is perfectly useless. (Vavasour and'&KCK- 
er get parchments and deeds ready for signing.) 

Seck, Oh, you don't want anything 'to do with the lawyers, eh? 

Bun. I have offered eighty thousand pounds for Cleve Abbey. I 
don't think there is any occasion to go into particulars? 

Lady M. It is perfectly unnecessary. 

Vav. Here is t;ie release and the monev for the morttrase, DrincimI 
and interest. ' =, t. , f i 

Bun. Wh-what do you mean 1 

Vav. It will be easy lor you to be one of the first to reply to some 
scandalous whisperings originated against my credit, by learning that we 
are lu'ly piej.ared {shoivs bank-bills) to meet all cliaro'es in clearintr off 
the moi tijage. '^ ° 

Blaz. Po:ztausend ! 

Bun. Then y u rro not in want of morey ? « 

Vav. You will be de delighted to hear that Cleve Abbey lias been 
found to b> one vast field of rich hematite iron. Mr. Secker'has found 
a capital.st who will- not only pay off the mortgage, but advance five 
times t' e sum on a new mortgage. This does not include the money 
accurng from royalties Irora permission to mining companies which 
may be loimed. 

Bun A delusion! there's not so much iron ore in the Ian 1 as in mv 
grounds. •' 

Vav. Perhaps Mr. Blazenbaig, as your geologist and scentiflc ad- 
viser, mav like to look at the analysis ? {.'hnws p'.'per.) 

Bun. I don't want to see any analysises ! Tliev'i-.- all m-onshine ' 

bFXK. It's trom the same i)rotessor that drew up a sinii ar report for 
Mr. Bl izenbaiu ! 

Lady M {rises). We thought t! at you ougj.t to he the first to 1 ear 
otour good fji-tune, as one of your Christian princ pies could not fiil to 
i-ejoice at siicli good tidings from another. 

Bun. {aside). I liate that woman I {aside to Blazenbaig) It's that fel- 
low Brown that has let them in for the good thing. That's the reason ha 



Aci III. 39 

wouldn't go in \vit,h us. {a'.oud) 1 see, you h ive been told of thio by Mr. 
Brown. 

Vav. Mr. Brown ! I have not lieard Lis name mentioned in connec- 
tion with such a matter. 

Lady M. ]\Ir. Srcker may inform you, tliougli he will not, (ell us. 
Secic. Not at present, {lo TjUi^TER, pointcdli/) I would not tell you, no 
not if 1 were lo iiad a fiity-pound note imder mv plate ! 

Bun. I liave not been Jairly treated in tiiis affliir. (r/ircs morff/age and 
receives money) I may saj' I iiave not been legally dealt with ! An agee- 
ment to sell was made, and that is as good :is a sale nny day — in equity ! 

Lady M. I tliinlc, Mr. Bunter, that the les there is said about equity 
in the transaction, th» better! Come along, Ldly ! Ave'Il go to Mis. Bun- 
ter, and sea the flowers. 

Vav. And I will go, loo, to see if there is any novelty that may give us 
a liint for the redecornlion of the Abbey, {(joing r.) That is ihe use of 
these new hou-^es — they give us the resu't< cf experienced furnishers. 
{to Bn.xTEu) Experimenta in corpori vila i you know! 1 beg your par- 
don, you dont know! (r. 2 e.) 

Bun. (aside). They shan't seethit lam down in tiie month, (aloud, 
going to l. 1 e. n.) 1 sliall go to my lawyer and see if I am to be choused 
in this artful way ! (at l. 1 e) I repeat the word, madam, choused ! 

[Exif, L. 1 E. D. 

Blaz. (aside). Tings begin lo look vischy ! T liaf de ciieque safe — I 
Till go and get him gashed at the Gounty Panic ! [Exit, l. 1 e. d. 

Lady M. Ah ! this is indeed joy ! To see the fancied lriuni[)h of these 
insolent ])eople growing and then to crush it, in the bloom ! Now- we 
will resume our j)lace at the iiead of the county families, and Lilian will 
enjoy the reality of the future that I dreamed of for her ! 

[Exit, R. 2 V. 

Vav. (to Lilian). Your mother don't try to find ouo to whom we 
owe this fortunate discovery. 

Lil. Mamma is too happy for that, (exit VAVASotra, k. 2 e.) I told 
Mr. Brown to wait for me here. 1 wondei' where he is 1 

Brow.v (u-i/Jiin h. S f..). Lilian! L liaii ! 

Lil. Mr. Brown's voice. Where are you ? (goes l.) 

Bnowx (same). Here in this room. The key is on your side. (Lilian 
nnlocl's door, aiid Brown comes forth.) 

Lil. What are you doing there 1 

Brown. Watcliing you through the iceyliole till you were alone. 

Lil. But wlij' were you locked up in tli.,t room 1 

Brown. For fear I might spoil sport. 

Lil. I don't understand. Then you have heard all 1 

Brown. 1 know of the clunge in your positicm. You are wealthy 
now, while I am so poor that 1 have to begi« the world again. 

Lil. Alone ? 

Brown. Yes. To make one's way in a new world, a pioneer mU'^t 
have no sort of incumbrance. O.ir house mu t be built up again, an I I 
am going to establish a branch in Au^t;a^a. 

Lil. So far away ? 

Brown. It must be. I can bs happy nowhere from you, but perhaps 
less unhappy at a distance. 

Lil. i will go with you. 

Brown. No ! You are not born to .'■hara a slrucgl'.ng man's existence. 
I am too poor now. 

Lil. You are not as poor as I was when I loved you, and was loved 
for myself alone. 



40 NEW MKN aXD old aCRES. 

Enter, k. 2 e., Lady Mildred. 

LiL. If there are haidsbips, let me bear my part of them. I nra pre- 
pared to live the Hfe you have to led. 

Bbown. No. Betlcr for us lo say good-by, and not prolong discussion. 
Come, take courage. Yon have everything now to makj your path pleas- 
ant. Let me toil on in the rugged road. 

LiL. No! I will go with you. 

Lady M {come-down, c). Lil'.an ! Mr. Brown ! {to Brown) I thought, 
sir, tliat you had too inucn delicacy to see my daughter again after you 
liad pron'iised me thai vou would go. 

LiL. Mamma! Mr. Brown is not to Vame. It is I. I love him so 
dearly, mamma, {goes to Lady Mildred.) 

En'.cr Vavasour and Secker, r. 2 e. 

Becker. Oh ! are yon h-ro, B'own 1 I have been looking everywhere 
for yon. My ladv, here is the genil;man to whom is due all credit for 
the "disco ve:y of the ra;ne o:i your estate, and for the raisings of the 
money applied to relieving it of the mortgnge. 

Lady ^L, Vav. and Lil. Mr. Brown ! 

Skcic. Come come, don't deny it. 

Brows. I don't deny it. {severely) But I thousht you had more taste 
than to reveal what I wishe.l kepi secret for a time. _ 

Lil Until vou were beyond our power lo repay? Is it so? Oh 
m imrai, you cannot now reluse anything to tliis most generous of men? 
Paoa, speili for me. 

Vav. I think— [ sav, I think— he may claim h s own property. 

Lady M. I suppose' I must give my consent. Yet I could have wish- 
ed her anollier future. 

Lil. None uioe happy, manmia! 

Vav. I am sure you will have the best husband in the world, {umtes 
the luunh of LiLik^' and Brow.x) He.iven bless yon— that is, if my lady 
has i.o objections. 

Enter, L. 1 E. D., BUXTEK. 

Bon. {aside). Tlie law can't, help me. {aloud) Brown out of the room. 
I lliought, vou were at breikf St. 

BROWN\"ln the lock-up .' i had a traitor on tlie right side of the dom. 
{drmc-s LihiAS to him a fectio)i<:t(l>/.) , » at tj 

Lady M 1 have the pleasure to announce to you that Mr. Brown 
will be the manager of the Cleve Abbey Min 112 Company wlncli will be 
organized shortly after liis marriage with my daugliter. 

Bun. Oh! 

i:nter, R. 2 E., Fanny and Bertie, tcitk I^Irs. Bunter, who has a paper 
in her hand. 

Mrs B Here, Beniamln. a telegram for you. 

Bun (dtlighied). A^d, mv dear lady, 1 have tlie pleasure to announce 
to ^ou a marr.aue in my family. My ^'auiil.ter F.nmy and Mr. Fuzurs,-, 
soo't\ 10 be Lo-d Be..rlio lue, it appears. 

Lady M. lluw is ihat, 7 

Bun. {read, telegram). " Mrs. Ro^in.-.ld FitzAir.se has been brought to 
bed of two girls" — girls! 

Lady M. Girls ! Ah ! I sincerely condole with you on the disappoint- 

ment. 



ACT III. 



41 



Box. {puzzled). Disappoinlmenl ! Condole ! You mean, congratulate 

mel 

Lady M. I mean what I say. 
Bun. What, won't he be a lord % 

Enter Clazexbaig, l. 1 e p. 

Lady M No' You can' t be expected to understand these things. 
(to Vavasour) Marmiduke, my dear, wid yon pie.se lo explain. 

Vav I am always called upon to explain wl«en there is anythmg dis- 

%'rf The baronetcy beins .settled on the .lirect lino, the de fault of 
male is'sue only makes the right of descent foil to the next of the kn.. 
■Run Then he won't be a lord afier all ? , , i 

v"; No (*oz.s apologetically to Bertie) unless ho is one by natu e 
Bnl' Done Brown ! {io B.azexbaig) What aye y.-n smckermg about 1 
My fine fellow, I'll make you laugh the other side ot your mouih. When 
I found the spec, looked black, I sent to slop the chelpu^ 

Blaz. Yah" I fought you vould, and so 1 went und got hnn gashed 

first ! 

Bun. Done Brown agam ! 

Vav. Let me congratulate you 1 

BuK This from you, whom I always considered as a f.iencl. 

Pr A7 GonfideiU'e petween man and man, you know ! 

Va^ ComrMi-- Banter, make the best of it. Let ti>e young folks 

^^BER^Ya-as ! we'll make a double match of it, and enter them to be 
walked over the course the same day. 

Mrs B He's such a clever young man, Bunter. 

Bun.' Well, I have no objections. I have learat a lesson by it. 

Lady M. So have I. 

LiL. And youis is the better, mamma. 

T 4nv M Tlmt it does not take Old Acres . , , ■, j, . 

L.L To malJe New Men {dight pause whde .he gives her hand proudly 

to 'i^KOVi-s) gentlemen ! 

Picture. 

v.vA^oHR* *LadyM. Mrs. B.* *Bunter. 

SkCKBr"* BEKTIE.* *FA.NY. LlMA..* *BkOWX. *B.AZ. 

CURTAIN. 



.^ *Tttt4V * Brown. 

.Se;LT"-Lao.M^''*''vava. *B...eb. •*m,s.Bukxkb. * B.AZB^BAxa- 



TIME IN REPRESENTATION-T^YO AND ONE-HALF HOUR?. 



42 



XLW ?,:iX AM) OLD ACKiS. 



Sixorsis. 

MAlssiADnKE Vavasour, representative of a very old family, is a man of haughty 
Ideas, having the misiortune to encumber.his estate to such a degree that the Cleve°Ab- 
bey, his ma.ional residencL^ i^ on tlie point of being sold at the very period appointed 
lor bringing out las daughter, Jliss Lilian Vavasol:r, in London society. Lady 
Mildred 1 atas .UR.who is the in.inagingheadof the house, undertakes toprociasti- 
nate the calamity through inviting Mn. James Bkow.n, the holder of the mortgage 
to visit the Abbey. He had previously been introduced to Miss Lilian Vav^s°oub' 
at a ball, and Lady IIildked conceives that a matrimonial alliance between him 
and their daughter might re-establish the flnaucial condition of the family. Bkown 
arrives, a simple methodical merchant, and is shortly followed by the BnsTER fami- 
ly, a race of parvenus, who are tolerably well received on account of their money 
Mus. BUNTER informs Lilian of her father's embarrassment and she, in turn re- 
quests Bkowk, in the event of his purchase of the house and grounds, lie would con- 
serve certain peculiarities which she especially admired. To this the morcliant 
agrees, while Bu^T.'^R and a mining engineer discover traces of mineral wealth on 
the estate, bestowing upon it an immense value. The engineer pretends that ho is 
engaged in fishing, but Bkown cleverly penetrates this fallacy, .and secures some of 
the specimens of ore the man has covertly collected. Encouraged by Lady Mil- 
deed, Brown progresses favorably in his suit with Liliax, whde the sclieming lady 
seeks to bring about a match between Miss Buxtijr and Bf.itie Fitzuese, a rather 
stupid young gentleman but presumptive heir to a title, supposed to entertnln an 
affection for Lilian. During the continuance of Bhow.s's visit, telegraphic dis- 
patches are received announcing a commercial panic at Liverpool, and the threaten- 
ed failure of Lkown's house, which would collapse, were not fifty tlioiistmd pounds 
to be forthcoming in the course of twenty-four hours. At the instigation of the 
mining engineer, BuNTin, actuated, as he states, by Christian cliarity'^ offers to ad- 
vance the sum required by Buown, taking good care, however, to pocket five thous- 
and pounds through transfer of the mortgage ofl the Vavasouii estate to himself. 
The change in Brown's financial condition works a radical alteration in Lady Mil- 
deed's matrimonial project, and the aristocratic dame suggests that he should 
break the news to Lilian, and thereby effectively i>rechido the possibility of their 
union. Buow.-J accepts the situation and announces his intention of departing to 
seek his fortune in the Iv'ew World. Lilian, who has commenced sincerely to°ad- 
mire the merchant, promises to think of him sometimes and parrs with him' in 
sorrow. Six weeks after the purchase of the mortgage, Mu. Eu.vte;-. resolves upon 
its forclosure, designing to purchase the estate himself, his engineer having caused 
the land to be surveyed and specimens of the ores to be analyzed. He is first visited 
by his lawyer and subsequently by Buown, who offers to repurchase the mortga^-e. 
Bunter refuses, whereupon Vavasour enters upon the scene with liis wife" .and 
daughter, tenders money in payment of the mortgage and demands a release. 
Bunter, chop-fallen and swindled by his engineer, is compelled to remove the lein,' 
when he is informed that discovery of the mineral wealth had been made by Brown,' 
who had, moreover, raised the money to remove the mortgage and organize a mining 
company, of which, after his marriage with Lilian, he is to become the superin- 
tendent. 



DE WITT'S ACTKCI PLAYS. 



I^* riease notice that nearly all the Comedies, Farces and Comediettas in tho followin? 
List of '' De Witt's Acting Pla.Y8 " are very suitable for represeutatiou iu suia,!! Amateur 
Xheatres and ou Parlor Stages, as they need but little extrinsic aid Ironi complex scenery 
?r expensive costumes. They have attained their deserved popularity by their droll situa- 
tions, excellent plots, great liumor and brilliant dialogues, no less than by the fact that 
they are the most perfect iu every respect of any edition of pluys ever published either in 
the United States or Europe, whether as I'egards purity of text, accuracy and fullness of 
stage directions and scenery, or elegance of typography and clearness of printing. 

*i* Iu ordering please copy the figures at the commencement of each piece, vhlcll 
indicate the number of the piece in " De Witt's List of Actikg Plays." 

XSg- Any of the following Plays sent, postage free, on receipt of inice— fifteen Cents 
each. 

JKS-The figure following the name of the Play denotes the number of Acts. The 
jgures in the columns indicate the number of characters— Jl. male; F. female. 



75. Adrienne, drama, 3 acta T 

231. All that Glitters is not tiold, comic 

drama, 2 acts 6 

308. All ou .\ccouut of a Bracelet, come- 
dietta, 1 act ... . - 

IU. Anything for a Change, coniedy.l act 3 
16f. Apple Blossoms, comedy, 3 acts. .. 7 
93. Area Belle, farce, 1 act 3 

40. Atchi, comedietta, 1 act 3 

89. Aunt Charlotte's Maid, farce, 1 act. 3 

258. .A.uut Dinah's Pledge, temperance 

drama, 2 acts ^ 

2S7. Bachelor's Box (La Petite Hotel), 

comedietta, 1 act 4 

166. Bardell vs. Pickwick, sketch. 1 act. 

310. Barrack Room (The), comedietta,2a. 6 

41. Beautiful Forever, farce, 1 act '2 

141. Bells (The), drama, 3 acts 9 

223. Betsey Baker, farce, 1 act 2 

07. BirthpUice of Podgers. farce, 1 act. 7 

3G. Black Sheep, drama, 3 acts 7 

279. Black-Eyed Susan, drama, 2 acts... 14 

296. Black and White, drama, 3 acts 6 

iCO. Blow f.jr Blow, drama, 4 acts 11 

..79. Breach of Promise, drama, 2 acts. . 5 
25. Bi-olcen-Hearted Club, comedietta.. 4 

70. Bonnie Fish Wife, farce, 1 act 3 

261. Bottle (The), drama, 2 acts 11 

226. Box and Cox, Komance.jJ act 2 

24. Cabman No. 93, farce. 1 act 2 

199. Captain of the Watch, comedietta, 

1 act 6 

- 1. Caste, comedy, 3 acts 5 

J75. Cast upon the World, drama, 5 acts. II 
55. Catharine Howard, historical play, 

3 acts 12 

60. Caught by the Cuff, farce, 1 act 4 

80. Charming Pair, farce, 1 act 4 

65. Checkmate, comedy, 2 acts 6 

68. Chevalier de St. George, drama, 3a. 9 
219. Chimney Corner (The), domestic 

drama, 3 acts ^^ 

76. Chops of the Channel, farce, 1 act.. 3 
205. Circumstances alter Cases, comic 

operetta,- 1 act 1 

149. Clouds, comedy, 4 acts 8 

121. Comical CouutesB, farce, 1 act 3 



222. 

248. 
1U7. 
152. 
52. 
148. 

113. 

20. 

2S6. 

4. 

22. 
275. 

90. 

1(>. 

58. 
125. 

71. 
142. 
204. 

21. 
2()0. 
210. 
263. 
18G. 
242. 

47. 
283. 

202. 
315. 
297. 

200. 
135. 
230. 
103. 
9. 

128. 
101. 
90. 
262, 

14r,. 
102. 



M. F. 

Cool as a Cucumber, farce, 1 act — 3 2 

Cricket on the Hearth, diama, 3 acts 8 6 

Cupboard Love, farce, 1 act 2 1 

Cupid's Eye Glass, comedy, 1 act.. 1 1 

Cup of T(a. comedietta, 1 act 3 1 

Cut Off With a Shilling, comedietta, 

1 act 2 1 

Cyril' r. Success, comedy, 5 acts 10 4 

Daddy Gray, drama, 3 acts 8 4 

Daisy Farm, drama. 4 acts 10 ' 

Dandelion's Dodges, larce, 1 act... 4 'a 

David Garrick, comedy, 3 acts 8 3 

Day .\fter the Wedditg. farce, 1 act 4 



Dearest Mamma, comedietta, 1 act.. 4 3 

Dearer than Life, drama, 3 acts 6 5 

Deborah (Leah), drama, 3 acts 7 6 

Deerfoot. farce. 1 act 5 1 

Doing fur the Best, drama, 2 acts. . 5 3 
Dollars and Cents, comedy, 3 acts. . 9 4 
Drawing Boom Car(A). comedy ,1 act 2 1 

Dreams, diiiuia, 5 acts 6 3 

Drunkard's Warning, drama, 3 acts 6 3 
Drunkard's Doom (The), drama, 2a.l5 6 

Drunkard tThe). drama, 5 acts 13 5 

Duchess de la ■V'alliere.play, 5 acts.. 6 4 

Dumb Belle (The), farce, 1 act 4 2 

Easy Shaving, farce, 1 act 5 2 

E. C. B. Susan Jane, musical bur- 
lesque, 1 act 8 3 

Eileen Ope, Irish drama. 4 acts 11 3 

Electric Love, farce, 1 act 1 1 

English Gentleman (An), comedy- 
drama, 4 acts 7 4 

Estranged, operetta. 1 act 2 1 

Everybody's Friend, comedy. 3 acts 6 5 
Familv Jars, musical farce. 2 acts.. 5 2 
Faust and Marguerite, drama, 3 acts 9 1 
Fearful Tra-edy in the Seven Dials, ^ 

interlude. 1 act 4 ; • 

Female Detective, drama, 3 acts 11 4 

Fernando, drama, 3 acts ''.1 10 

Fifth Wheel, comedy, 3 acts iO 2 

Fifteen Years of a Drunkard's Life, 

melodrama. 3 a<-ts 13 4 

Fir.'it Love, comedy, 1 act 4 1 

Foiled. dram.'>. 4 acts 9 H 

Founded ou Facts, farce, 1 act 4 "i 



DE WITT'S ACTING PLAYS-Oontinued. 



M. F. 

259. Fruits of ttie Wine Cup, drama, 3 eta 6 3 

192. Game of Cards (A), comedietta, la., a 1 

7i. Garrick Fever, farce, 1 act 7 4 

63. Gertrude's iLOuey Box, tai'ce, 1 act. i 2 
73. Goldeu Fetters (Fetter«d), drama, 3.1i 4 
30. Goose witii tiie Goldeu l^ooS, lai'ce, 

1 act 5 S 

131. Go to Putuey, farce, 1 act 4 3 

276. Good for Notliiug. comic drama, la. 5 1 
306. Great Success (A), comedy, 3 acts. . 8 5 

277. Grimshaw, BagsUaw and Bradsliaw, 

farce, 1 act 4 2 

206. Heir Appareut (The), farce. 1 act... 5 1 

241. Haudy Audy, drama, 2 acts 10 i! 

2S. Happy Pair, comedietta, 1 act 1 1 

lol. Hard Case (A), farce, 1 act 2 

8. Heury Dunbar, drama. 4 acts 10 3 

180. Heury the Fifth, hist, play, 5 acta..3S 5 

303. Her Only Fault, comedietta, 1 act. . 2 2 

19. He's a Lunatic, farce, 1 act 3 2 

60. Hidden Hand, drama, 4 acts 5 5 

191. High C, comedietta, 1 act 3 3 

246. High Life Below Stairs,farce.2 acts. 9 5 

301. Hiuko, romantic drama, 6 acts 1'- 7 

224. His Last Legs, farce, 2 acta 5 3 

la7. H;s Own Enemy, farce, 1 act 5 1 

174. Home, comedy. 3 acts 4 3 

211. H>nesty is the Best Policy, plaj-. 1. 2 

64. Household Fairy, sketch, 1 act. .... 1 1 
190. Hunting t!ie Slippers, farce. 1 act. . 4 1 
197, Hunchback (The), play, 5 acts 13 2 

225. Ici ou Parle Fraucais, farce, 1 act... 3 4 
2.V2. Idii>t Witness, melodrama, 3 acts. .. 6 1 

18. If I had a Thous.iud a Year, farce. 14 3 

116. Fra not Mesilf atall, Irish ste-.v, la. 3 2 

29. In for a Holiday, farce, 1 act. 2 3 

i59. In the Wrong House, farce, 1 aor.. . 4 2 

278. Irish Attorney (The), farce. 2 actf5.. 8 2 
282. Irish Broom Maker, farce, 1 act 9 3 

273. Irishman in Loudon, farce, 1 acts.. 6 3 

243. Irish Lion (The), farce, 1 act 8 3 

271. Irish Post (The), drama, 1 act 9 3 

244. Irish Tutor (The), farce, 1 act 5 2 

270. Irish Tiger (The), farce, 1 act 5 1 

274. Irish Widow (The), farce, 2 acts 7 1 

122. Isabella Orsiui, drama, 4 acts 11 4 

177. I Shall Invite the Major, comedy, 14 1 

100. Jack Long, drama, 2 acts 9 2 

299. Joan of Arc, hist. play. 5 acts 26 

139. Joy is Dangerous, comed.v, 2 acts.. 3 3 

17. Kind to a Fault, comedy, 2 acts 6 4 

233. Kiss in the Dark (A), farce, 1 act... . 2 3 

309. Ladies' Battle (The), comedy, 3 acts 7 2 

86. Lady of Lyons, play, 5 acts 12 5 

137. L'Article 47, drama, 3 acts 11 5 

72. Lame Excuse, farce, 1 act 4 2 

144. Lancashire Lass, melodrama. 4 acts. 12 3 

34. Larkins' Love Letters, ftirce. 1 act.. 3 2 

180. Leap Year, mttsical duality, 1 act 1 1 

253. Lend Me Five Shillings, farce, 1 act 5 S 

111. Liar (The), comedy, 2 acts 7 2 

119. Life Chase, drama, 5 acts 14 5 

239. Liiuerick Boy (The), farce, 1 act H 2 

48. Little Annie's Birthdav. farce, 1 act.. 2 4 

32. Little Rpbel, farce, 1 act 4 3 

^64. Little Ruby, tlrama, 3 arts 6 

29.1. Little Em'l V, drama, 4 acts 8 8 

165. Livins Statue (Tbe^. farco, 1 act 3 2 

228. Loan of a Lover (The), vaudeville.l. i 1 



11. J 
109. Locked in, comedietta, 1 act 2 i 

50. Locked in \vith a Lady, bketch 1 

I S7. Locked Out, comic fcccue 1 

I 143. Lodgers and Dodgeiu, larce, 1 act.. 4 

212. London Assurance, comeiiy, 5 acts 10 

291. M. P., ccmedy, 4 acts ." 7 

I 210. Mabel's Jlanauvre, interlude, 1 act 1 

I 163. Marcoretti, drama, 3 acts JO 

I 154. Maria and .Magda'.ena, play, 4 acts.. 8 
I 63. Marriage at any Price, farce, 1 act. '. 5 

249. Marriage a Lottery, comedy, 2 acts. 3 
208. Married Bachelors, comedietta, la.. 3 _ 

I 39. Master Jones' Birthday, larce, 1 act 4 2 

7. Maud's Peril, drama. 4 acts 5 3 

49. Midnight Watch, drama. 1 act...!!. 8 

15. Milky White, drama, 2 acts 4 

4C. Miriam's Criiue, diauia, 3 acts 5 

51. Model of a V.'iif, larce, 1 act 3 

302. Model Pair (A), cmcdy, 1 act 2 

184. Money, comedy, 5 acts' 17 

250. More Blunders than One, faice.'ia. 4 
312. More Sinned against than Sinning, 

original Irish drania, 4 acts 11 

234. Morning C.-iU (A), comedielta, 1 act. 1 

108. Mr. Scropgins. laice, 1 act 3 

ISS. Mr. X., farce, 1 act 3 

169. .My Uncle's Suit, farce. 1 act 4 

216. My Neighbor's Wife, farce, 1 act 3 

2;'.6. My Turn Next, farce, 1 act 4 

193. My Walking Photograph, musical 

du.ility, 1 act 1 

267. My Wife's Bonnet, farce. 1 act 3 

130. My Wife's Diary, farce, ] act 3 

0-2. 5Iy Wife's Out, farce. 1 act 2 

21S. Naval Engagements, farce, 2 acts. . . 4 
140. Nevor Picckon your Chickens, etc., 

farce. 1 act 3 

115. New Men and Old Acres, comedy, 3 8 

2. Nobody'f Child, drama, 3 acts 18 

57. Noemie, drama. 2 acts 4 

104. No Name, drama. 5 acts 7 

112. Not a bit Jealous, larce, 1 act 3 

29S. Not if I Know it. larce, 1 act 4 

185. Not so bad as we Seem. iJlay, 5 acts. 13 

84. Not Guilty, drama. 4 acts. 10 

117. Not such a Fool as he Looks, drama, 
3 acta 5 

171. Nothing like Paste, farce. 1 act 3 

14. No Thorotighfare. di'ama, 5 acts. . . .13 

300. Notre Dame, drama. 3 acts 11 

269. Object of Interest (An), farce, 1 act. 4 
268. Obstinate Family (The), faice, 1 act. 3 

173. Off the Stage, comedietta, 1 act 3 

f^7. Omnil)us (The), farce, 1 act 5 

t''8. On Bread and Water, farce, 1 act.. . 1 

254. One Too Many, farce, 1 act 4 

33. One Too Many for Him, farce, 1 act 2 

3. £100,000, comedy, 3 acts 8 

90. Only a Hallpenny, farce, 1 act , 2 

170. Only Somebody, farce. 1 act 4 

289. On the Jury, drama, 4 act.'--. b 

97. Orange Blossoms, comedietta, 1 act 3 

66. Orange Girl, drama. 4 nets 18 

209. Othello, tragedy, 5 a^ts 16 

172. Onra. comedy, 3 acts 6 

04. Our Clerks, farce, 1 act . . 7 

45. Our DomesticR. comedy-farcf , f>scts 6 

]."io. Our Heroes, military play, 5 acts... 2 1 
178. Out at Sea, drama, 6 acts J 7 



4 ^ 



DE WITT'S ACTING PLAYS, -Continued. 



m. Overlaml Route, comedy, 3 acts li 5 

a05. Pair oi Shoes (A), larce, 1 act i 3 

285. Pai'tueia for Life, comedy, 3 acts 7 i 

15(5. Peace at auy Price, farce, 1 act 1 1 

82. Peep o' Day, drama, i acts 12 i 

127. Peggy Green, farce, 1 act 3 10 

23. Petticoat Parliameut, extravagaiiza, 

1 act 15 21 

293. Philomel, romaiitio drama, 3 acts... G i 

62. Photographic Pix, farce, 1 act 3 2 

61. Plot aud Passion, drama, 3 acts. ... 7 2 
138. Poll aud Partner Joe, burlesqe, la.. 10 3 

217. Poor Pillicoddy, farce, 1 act 2 3 

110. Popplotou's Predicameuts. farce, la. 3 6 

50. Porter's Kuot, drama, 2 acts 8 2 

59. Post Boy, drama. 2 acts 5 3 

95. Pretty Horse-Breaker, farce 3 10 

280. Pretty Piece of Business (A), come- 
dy, 1 act 2 3 

181. 182. Queen Mary, drama, 4 acts 37 9 

196. Qneere.st Courtship (The), comic 

operetta, 1 act 1 1 

253. Quiet Family, farce, 1 act 4 4 

157. Quite at Home, c(miedietta, 1 act.. . 5 2 

132. Kace for a Dinuer, farce, 1 act 10 

237. Regular Fix (A), farce. 1 act 4 

183. Richelieu, play, 5 acts V2 2 

38. Rightful Heir, drama, 5 acts 10 2 

77. Roll of the Drum, drama, 3 acts 8 4 

316. Romeo on the Gridiron (Al, mono- 
logue, for a lady 1 

193. Rosemi Shell, burlesque, 4 scenes.. 6 3 
247. Rough Diamond (The), farce, 1 act. 6 3 

194. Rum, drama, 3 acts 7 4 

13. Ruy Bias, dranui, 4 acts 12 4 

229. Sarah's Young Man, fa-ce, 1 act 3 3 

138. School, comedy, 4 acts, 6 6 

201. School for Scaudal, ciuui-dy. 3 acts. .13 4 

264. Scrap of Paper (A), comic drama, 3a. 6 6 

79. Sheep inWolfs Clothing, drama, la. 7 5 

1 203. She Stoops to Conquer, comedy, 5a. 15 4 

37. Silent Protector, farce. 1 act ,."... 3 2 

35. Silent Woman, farce, 1 act 2 1 

2Vd. Single Married Mau (A), comic ope- 
retta, 1 act G 2 

43. Sisterly Service, comedietta, 1 act.. 7 2 

6. Six Months Ago, comedietta, 1 act.. 2 1 

921. Slasher and Crasher, farce. 1 act... 5 2 

10. Snapping Turtles, duologue, 1 act. . .1 1 

26. Society, oomed.y, 3 acts 16 5 

207. Sold Again, comic ojDeretta, 1 act. . . 3 1 

804. Sparlcing, coniediett.i, 1 act 1 2 

' 78. Special Performances, farce, 1 act. . 7 3 
215. Still Watiu-s Run Deep, comedy, 3a. 9 2 
L'36. S'.vi'i-tlniirts, ilvnmatic contrast, 2a.. 2 2 
'• 232. Tail Cl'aJr) of a Shark, musical mon- 
ologue, 1 scene 1 

31. Taming a Tiger, farce. 1 act 3 

1.50. Tell-Tale Heart, comedietta. 1 act.. 1 2 
I 120. Tempest in a Teapot, comedy, 1 act 2 1 



237. Ten Nights in a Bar Room, drama, 

5 acta 8 2 

146. There's no Smoke without "Fire', 

comedietta, 1 act 1 2 

83. Thrice Married, personatiou pi?ce, 

1 act g J 

2J3. Thumping Legacy (A), i act.!.'.'.'.'.".' 7 1 
251. Ticket of Leave Man, drama, 4 acts. 9 3 
42. Time ami the Hour, drama, 3 acts 7 3 
27. Tune and Tide, drama. 4 acts .'7 5 

133. Timothy to the Rescue, farce, 1 act 4 2 
153. 'Tis Better to Live than to r>ie 

farce, 1 act .' 2 1 

134. Tompkins the Troubadour, farce.' "l". 3 2 

272. Toodles (The), drama, 2 acts 10 2 

235. To Oblige Benson, comedietta, 1 tot 3 2 

238. Trying It On, farce, 1 act 3 3 

29. Turning the Tables, farce, 1 act 5 3 

214. Turn Him Out, farce, 1 act 3 2 

168. Tweedie's Rights, comedv, 2 acts'.'. 4 2 

126. Twice Killed, farce, 1 act! 6 3 

234. 'Twixt Axe aud Crown, play, 5 acts. 24 13 
198. Twin Siaters, comic operetta. 1 act. 2 2 

205. Two Bonnycastlcs, farce, 1 act 3 3 

220, Two Buzzards (The), farce, 1 act 3 2 

56. Two Gay Deceivers, face, 1 act 3 

123. Two Polts, farce, 1 act 4 

288. Two Roses (The), comedy. 3 ads. 7 
292. Two Thorns (The), comedy, 4 acts.! 9 
294. Uncle Dick's Darling, drama, 3 acts 6 

162. Uncle's Will, comedietta, 1 act 2 

106. Up for the Cattle Show, farce, 1 act 6 

81. Vandyke Brown, farce, 1 act 3 

317. Veteran of 1812 (The), romantic mil- 
itary drama, 5 acts 12 

124. Volunteer Review, farce, 1 act 6 

91. Walpole, comedy in rhyme 7 

118. Wanted, a Young Lady, farce, 1 act. 2 
2Jl. Wanted, One Thousand Spirited 
Young Milliners for the Gold Re- 
gions, farce, 1 act 3 

44. War to to the Knife, comedy, 3 acts 5 
311. What Tears can do, comedietta, la.. 3 
103. AVhich of the Two? comedietta, la.. 2 
26i). Who Killed Cock Robin? farce, 2a.. 2 

98. Who is Who ? farce 3 

12. AVidow Hunt, comedy, 3 acts 4 

213. Widow (The), comedy, 3 acts 7 

5. William Tell with a Vengeance, bur- 
lesque 8 

"14 n^inilow Curtain, monologue. .. . 
■ I Circumstantial Evidence " .... 1 

136. Woman in Red, drama, 4 acts C 

161. Woman's Vows and Masons' Oaths, 

drama, 4 acts 10 

n. Woodcock's Little Game, farce. 2a.. 4 
290. Wi'ong Man in the Right Place (A), 

farce, 1 act 2 

54. Young Collegian, farce, 1 act 3 



^^~~-^ A COMPLETE DESCRIPTIVE CATALOGUE OF DE 'WITT'S ACT- 
B^i^~^ING PLAYS AND DE WITT'S ETHIOPIAN AND COMIC DRAF^AS, 
containing Plot, Costume, Scenery, Time of Representation, and all other informa- 
tion, mailed free and post paid on application. Address 



DE WBTT, 33 Rose Street, New York. 



OE WITT'S DRAWING-ROOM OPERETTAS. 

^- TO MUSICAL AMATEURS. .^^^ 

The number of Musical Amateurs, both ladies and gentlemen, is not only very 
l^rge, but is con^tanthj increasing, and very naturally for there ^^ ^^^^'^ ['' 
^i;nd^— n^dc^ofspend^ 

S?sss::^;^to:;:;L...v.«.«.«anra.o^^ 

(Df course whole Operas, or even parts of Operas, require orchestral acco.npa^.i-- 
reuts and full chorusc to give them effect, and are thereYore clearly uuht foi 
Amateur peormance, while a succession of songs lacks the interest given by a 
wTnd a contrast of characters. In this series (a list of winch i>- o^ve^ below) ^ve 

decl (o appropriate words, and the whole dovH^ulcd into plot, ta..t ^[^ ^^^^^j^^J ^; 
mte ;;/irplays, but are rendered doubly interc.tln, by the appropr^ate ana Uau- 
ti/ul Music, spcciaibj arranged for them. 

LIST OF DE WITT'S MUSICAL PLAYS. 

PRIG£ 15 GEKTS EACH. 

rTAP Vr.ATJ — A Musical Dnal- 

^iiy. By A^fuedB. SEDGWICK. -Mu- 
sic selected and .-idapted from Of- 
fenbach's celebrated Opera, ' Gene- 
lieve ae Brabant y One Male, one 
Female Character. 

THE TWm SISTEES.-Comic 

■*• Operetta, in Oae Act. The Music 
selected from the most popular num- 
bers in Le Cocq'9 celebrated Opeia 
Bouffe, " Oirojle Giroflar and the 
Lftret o written by Alfred B Sedg- 
wick. Two Male, Two Female 
Cliaracters. 

SOLD AGAIN AND GOT. THE 

*^" MONEV.-Comic Operetta, in One 
Act Th3 Music composed and the 
Libretto written by Alfred B. Sedg- 
wick. Three Male, One Female 
Character. 

THE QHEEEEST OOTJETSHIP. 

-CJ^iIic Operetta, in <):ie Act. The 
Muvi • arrau-ed from Offenbach s 
celebrated Opera, '• La Pnncesse de 
Tri/S," and the Libretto wnt- 
ter by Alfred B. Sedow.ok. One 
Male, One Female Character. 

MOLLY MOEIAETT.-Aa insii 

'•^Musical Sketch in One Act The 



ESTEANGED.-An Operetta in 

One \ct. The Musis arranged from 
Verdi's celebrated Opera, ''II Trov- 
atorey and the feibretto adapted by 
Alfred B. Sedgwick. Two Male, 
One Female Character. 

OIEGTJMBTAITOES ALTEE 

CASES.— Comic Operetta, in One 
Act The music composed and the 
Libretto written by Alfred B . Sedg- 
AvicK. One Male, One Female Char- 

MY^WALKING PHOTOGEAPH. 

^ _Musk%uality,h. One Act The 
Music arranged from Le Cocq 3 
Onera "La Fille de Madame Angot, 
and the Libretto written by Atfubb 
B. Sedgwicic. One Male, One Fe- 
male Character. 

A SINGLE MAEEIED M4N - 

Comic Operetta, in One Act. The 
Music arrumied fror.i Officxbacu s 
celebrated Opera Boufie - ^ladurM 
VArchiduc,-" aud the Libretto writ- 
ten by Alfred B. Sedgwick. Six 
Male, Two Female Cha: aclers. 



Ainmcal &KeLCii, m v'«i«- ^^-^^- ---- 

Msc composed and the Dialogue! 
written by 'Alfred B Si^DGWicn.. 
One Male, one Female Character. 
Suitable for the Vanety Stage. 

'HE GHAEGE OP THE HASH 

BRIGADE.-A Comic Irish Musi« 
Sketcli. The Music couiposed and 
the Libretto written •'J' J^*^' ' ',3 
i^t-viTT Two Male, two teuiaie 
Character- Suitable for the Va w^v 



GAMBEINUS, KING^Q? LAG-EP- 

BEERT-A Musical Ethiopian Bur- 
lesque, in One Act. Music aud Lia- 
102UC by Frank puMoNT L p..t 
Male, one Female Cuanicier. Sa..a- 
blc for the Ethiopian bta-o. 

AFEIOANTJS BLUEBlAED.---^ 

•^ MuViSirEtliiopian Burle^.imMU One 

Act Music and Dialogue by Frank 

Dlvo.nt. Kour Male, four FcinaU 

Characters Suitable for the LJao- 

\ plan, Stage. 



DE WITT'S ETHIOPIAN Ax\D C03IIC DfiAMA.-Continiied. 



M. F. 

33. Jealous Husband, sketch 2 1 

94. Julius the Suouzer. burlesque. 3 sc. 6 1 
103. Kiitnua's Lutle Game, Dutch act, 

1 sceue 1 1 

1. Last of the Mohicaus, sketch 3 1 

36. Lauyhiug Gas, sketch, 1 sct-ue 6 1 

18. Live lujuu, sketch, i sceues i 1 

60. Lost Will, sketch 4 

S7. Lucky Job, farce, 2 scenes 6 2 

90. Luuatic (The), farce, 1 sceue 3 

109. MaUiug a Hit, farce, 2 sceues 4 

19, Malicious Trespass, sketch, 1 sceue. 3 
149. 'Meriky, Ethiopian farce, 1 sceue... 3 1 
151. Micky Free, Irish sketch, 1 scene.. 5 

96. Midnight Intruder, fai'ce, 1 sceue . 6 1 

147. Milliner's Shop (The), Ethiopian 

sketch, 1 scene 2 2 

129. Moko Marionettes, Ethiopiau eccen- 
tricity, 2 scenes 4 5 

101. Molly " Moriarty, Irish luuhical 

sketch, 1 sceue 1 1 

117. Motor Bellows, comedy, 1 act 4 

44. Musical Servant, sketch. 1 sceue — 3 

8. Mutton Trial, sketch, 2 sceues .... 4 
119. My Wife'sVisitors. comic drama,lsc. 6 1 

49, Night in a Strange Hotel, sketch, Isc. 2 
132. Noble Savage, Ethi'n sketch, 1 sc. .. 4 
145. No Pay No Cure, Ethi'n sketch, 1 sc. 5 

22. Obeying Orders, .sketch, 1 scene 2 1 

27. lOOti) Ni-ht of Hamlet, sketch 7 1 

125. Oh, Hush ! operatic olio 4 1 

30. Oue Night in a Bar Room, sketch . . 7 

114. One Night in a Medical College, 

Ethiopian sketch, 1 scene 7 1 

76. One, Two, Three, sketch, 1 scene. . 7 

91. Painter's Apprentice, farce, 1 scene. 5 
87. Pete and the Peddler, Negro and 

Irish sketch, 1 scene 2 1 

135. Pleasant Companions, Ethiopian 

sketch, 1 scene 5 1 

92. Polar Bear (The), farce, 1 scene, .4 1 

9. Policy Players, sketch, 1 scene 7 

57. Pompey's Patients, interlude, 2 sc, 6 
65. Porter's Troubles, sketch, 1 scene.. 6 1 
60. Port Wine vs. Jealousy, sketch 2 1 

115. Private Boarding, comedy, 1 scene. 2 3 
14. Recruiting Office, sketch, 1 act 5 

105. Rehearsal (The), Irish farce, 2 sc. . . 3 1 

45. Remittance from Home, sketch. 1 sc. 6 
55. Rig^jing a Purchase, sketch, 1 sc. . . 3 



28. 
134. 
G2. 
32. 
39. 
75. 

93. 

29. 

97. 

137. 

143. 

99. 

85. 
116. 



Rival Artists, sketch, 1 scene 4 

Rival Tenants, sketch 4 

Rival Barbers' Shops (The). Ethio- 
pian larce. 1 sceue 6 

Sam's Courtship, fax'ce, 1 act 2 

Sausage Makers, sketch, 2 sceues . .• 5 
Scaiupiui, pantomime, 2 scenes.... 3 
Scenes ou the Mississippi, sketch, 

2 scenes.. . . 6 

Serenade (The), sketch, 2 scenes.... 7 
Siamese Twins, sketch, 2 scenes. ... 5 

Sleep Walker, sketch, 2 scenes 3 

Slippery Day, sketch, 1 sceue 6 

Squire lor a Day, sketch 5 

Stage-struck Couple, interlude, 1 sc. 2 

Stranger, burlesque, 1 scene 1 

Streets of New York, sketch, 1 sc. , . 6 
Storming the Fort, sketch. 1 sceue. 5 

Stupid Servant, sketch, 1 scene 2 

Stocks Up ! Stocks Down ! Negro 

duologue, 1 scene 2 

Take It, Don't Take It, sketch, 1 sc. 2 

Them Papers, sketch, 1 scene 3 

Three Chiefs (The), sketch, 1 sceue. 6 

Three A. M., sketch, 2 sceues 3 

Tliree Strings to one Bow, sketch, 

1 scene ... '. 4 

Ticket Taker, Ethi'n farce, 1 scene. 3 

Tricks, sketch 5 

Two Awfuls (The), sketch, 1 Bcene.. 5 

Two Black Roses, sketch 4 

Uncle Eph's Dream, sketch, 2 sc. . . 3 
Unlimited Cheek, sketch, 1 scene.. 4 

Vinegar Bitters, sketch, 1 scene 6 

Wake up, William Henry, sketch. . . 3 
Wanted, a Nurse, sketch, 1 scene... 4 
Weston, the Walkitt, Dutch sketch, 

1 ficene 7 

Wliat shall I Take? sketch. 1 scene. 7 
Who Died First ? sketch, 1 scene.. . 3 

Who's the Actor? farce, 1 .'^cene 4 

Whose Baby is it? Ethiopian sketch, 

1 scene 2 

Wonderful Telephone (The), Ethio- 
pian sketch, 1 .scene 4 

Wrong Woman in the Right Place, 

sketch, 2 scenes 2 

Young Scamp, sketch, 1 scene 3 

Zacharias' Fuueral, farce, 1 scene.. 5 



ySf^--::^ A COMPLETE DESCRIPTIVE CATALOGUE OF DE WITT'S ACT- 
^^S^ING PLAYS AND DE WITT'S ETHIOPIAN AND COMIC DRAMAS, 
containing Plot, Costume, Scenery. Time of Representation, and all other informa- 
tion, mailed free and post paid on application. Address 



DE WITT, Publisher, 

S3 Rose Street, IVew York. 



\. 



LS?^ Of" CONGRESS 






4 




014 549 146 



Ai iDflispisalilii Bool for Amateirs. 



HOW TO MAMaS 
AHATEtJE THEATRICALS. 



Being plain instructions for construction and arrangement of Stage, 
making Scenery, getting up Costumes, "J/a^wgr Ujy" to represent 
different ages and ciiaracters, and liow to produce stage Illusions and 
Effects. Also hints for the management of Amateur Dramatic Clubs, 
and a list of pieces suitable for Drawing Room Performances.. Hand- 
somely illustrated with Colored Plates. 

JPrice, 25 Cents. 



DE WITT'S SELECTIONS 

FOR 

AMATEUR Al PABLOR THEATRICALS. 

Nos. 1, 2, 3, 4 &^ 5. 

Being choice selections from the very best Dramas, Comedies and 
Farces. Specially adapted for presentation by Amateurs, and for 
Parlor and Drawing Room Eniertainmenis. 

Each number, 25 Cents. 

PANTOMIME PLAY , 

''HUMPTY DUMPTY. " 

The celebrated Pantomime, as originallj' played for 1,000 nights by the 
late GrEORGE L. Fox. Arranged by John Denier, Esq. Eight male, 
four female characters. 

Price, 25 Cents, 



